


Avoid Paperwork With My Dying Will

by byakuzee



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crack, Fail everywhere, Gen, Semi AU, TYL timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 23:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byakuzee/pseuds/byakuzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tsuna tries to ditch his job, only to fail. </p>
<p>Epically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Avoid by Planning.

**Author's Note:**

> My first KHR fanfic, somethings are re-written.  
> Enjoy the fail that will take place.

_Recently, we took care of a family that was a threat to us for the past few months. The head of the aforementioned family's last words were:_

_"The Vongola must be destroyed!"_

_Looking at the paperwork that family had caused, I couldn't help but to agree with that man._

**_Vongola Primo._ **

* * *

One hundred and ninety two.

Do you know what that number represents?

The amount of paperwork he had to do.

And no, it's not a one hunderd and ninety two pages, that would've been very nice.

It's one hundred and ninety two stacks of paperwork.

_Stacks!_

And every single one had thousands of pages.

_Now, how exactly did he managed to get that amount of it?_ You may ask.

His guardians.

Every destruction of property, every lawsuit, every disaster they made turned into paperwork.

Sometimes, he thinks about locking them up in their rooms and never let them see the light of day. The damages other rival families make in a year are far less than the damages one of them make in a _day_.

But, sadly, there wasn't a room strong enough to do that task.

At this point you might be asking,  _what the...?_   _Where's the nice Tsuna?_

Well, the nice Tsuna went along with most of his sanity years ago.

He was now Vongola Decimo.

A twenty four year old young man with homicidal tendencies towards paper.

"Stop daydreaming, idiot. You have to finish this before it turns midnight," his demonic tutor ordered, deep voiced and all. After years of searching, they finally found out the way to lift the curse, and now all of the Arcobaleno are back to their adult forms.

But being an adult hasn't changed Reborn, in fact, he grew more evil.

How could he finish these papers before midnight? It was absurd to even think he could, it was ten already!

"Excuse me for being rude but are you, I don't know, _insane_?"

_Cue to a fabulous kick._

"Oh, I almost forgot, here's some documents you need to sign." ' _Some_ ' meant fifty stacks more in Reborn's dictionary apparently.

"Finish them, or I'll finish you," he remarked before going out of his office.

Did he mention how he really wanted to murder him?

* * *

It was when he became too bored to do the paperwork and decided to play Tetris on his cellphone that his right-hand-man entered.

Only after hiding the cellphone and pretending that he was doing his task rather skillfully, he might add.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Tenth, I tried my best but..." He handed him another fifty stacks, much to his horror.

"B-But why...?"

"Ten years younger Lambo."

"Oh."

* * *

"Now what?"

"Ten years younger I-pin."

"Lovely."

* * *

"This not happening, this is not happening, this is not hap.. **.** "

"Again I'm sorry."

"Who is it this time?"

"The tonfa bastard and the pineapple bastard."

"This cannot get any worse."

* * *

"What the hell?!"

"The Varia."

"But two hundred stacks?"

"The Varia."

"What did they do? Demolish an entire city or something."

"The Varia."

"Shit..."

* * *

Deciding to be suicidal, he chose not to attend to his job and continue playing Tetris.

He wasn't even going to try.

Instead, he was scheming for ways to avoid his paperwork for even one day. He frowned remembering all of the years that he just kept signing and signing and signing.

_He deserved a day off dammit!_

Now that he thought about it, he figured out what was the cause of the Ninth's weird behavior when he first took his position as the boss.

* * *

**Six years ago.**

_"Tsunayoshi, you're now the official boss of the Vongola. I know you will be a great leader and lead the family towards a bright future..."_

_How can the Ninth hold a sign that said 'HA! Take that papers!' in bold letters and still talk with a straight face?_

_"...I can retire happily knowing that the family will be in great hands."_

_Why was he in such a hurry to leave?_

_"Until next time, Tsun... no, Vongola Decimo."_

_He wasn't comfortable with the smirk the other had while talking._

_And as the Ninth was leaving, Tsuna swore he heard him muttering in a creepy sing sang way:_

_"Sucker~!"_

* * *

Six years later, Tsuna felt cheated.

Abandoning his Tetris, he took a pen and scribbled down every single idea that popped into his mind no matter how ridiculous it was. Years of living with Reborn made him a loony, so no surprise there.

He was declaring war against paperwork.

And he'd be damned if he lost.

****


	2. Avoid by Hiding

 

_The moment I stepped into my office as the new appointed boss of the Vongola, I muttered:_

_Giotto..._

_You sneaky son of a bitch._

_**Vongola Secondo.** _

* * *

__

"I'll take a break for a month, be sure not to screw things up."

Will you take a look at that?

Reborn takes a break when he barely does anything  _(kicking him doesn't count),_  while he, who has been locked up in his office dying slowly, can't.

And why does he need a break for anyway? He's already on one every single day.

But hold on a minute.

_...For a month._

_...For a month._

_...A month._

_Month._

No Reborn for a month.

Which means he's free to carry on with his plans.

"But of course, dear tutor of mine, have fun with your vacation." He smiled charmingly, all while throwing down a party inwardly.

The former Arcobaleno raised an eyebrow at his student's reaction. "That's it?"

"That's what?" Tsuna asked with confusion.

"No whining, no complains, no _'BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR_!'?" Reborn elaborated.

The other looked at him in mock hurt. "You've wounded me Reborn, can't I wish for you to have a fun time?"

"You're beginning to sound just like Mukuro."

"You're being paranoid, Reborn."

Reborn took a glance at the younger man before he reminded, "You need to finish all of your paperwork while I'm gone, so no slacking, I'll know if you did."

He swore that he could see a field of flowers when his student answered, "But of course, as the boss it is my duty to do that."

_Okay, this sounded so wrong in so many ways._

Normally, his useless student would've been frowning at least, but now...

He was smiling at him pleasantly.

_Too_ pleasantly.

"Okay then, I'll take my leave." And as he grabbed the office door's handle, the voice of his student saying goodbye echoed in his ear.

_He's up to something._

* * *

As soon as Reborn left, Tsuna dashed towards his room and took out the most normal clothes he had.

Because let's face it, strolling down the streets in an Armani suit would draw attention to him when didn't want it. But sadly, the most normal things he had was burned down by Reborn.

_"A mafia boss must be always stylish."_

_Stylish my ass, I bet he just wanted to have fun with the flame thrower._  And so he settled for a white shirt and black pants, they still look expensive but at least it wouldn't scream  _'I AM A FREAKING MAFIA BOSS'_  when he wore them.

He was really excited to go out of the mansion for the first time in years; other than meetings and to check for the weaponry and bases, he didn't go out much. And as the boss he couldn't do regular missions like the other members of his family. His mother was the one who visited him and not the opposite; she didn't want to leave their old house so she stayed there.

So you can't blame him for wanting to go out on the ordinary streets, smell the roses, eat hamburgers and escape his paperwork.

_Especially_ escape his paperwork.

But first, he has to evade Gokudera's security system. It was a seriously bad idea to make him in charge of it, not because it was a crappy system, but because it was a good one, _too good._ His wing was the most deadliest place to go to in this mansion for a reason. You have to be a guardian, Reborn, an elite member of the Varia or freaking _Houdini_ to even get here.

As for him, well the problem wasn't how to get in.

It's how to get out.

The security system worked if he set foot outside of his wing without anybody with him, and in the most painful of ways, too.

* * *

_"Time for a sandwich," Tsuna exclaimed cheerfully._

_Walking throughout the halls of his wing, he noted the quietness that came with the time being one in the morning. Everybody was sleeping now, with the only reason for him to be awake being paperwork, much to his dismay._

_Thinking about what sandwich he'll make, he reached to grab the wing's main door knob, only to find shining lines of laser in his way._

_"What the...?"_

**"Please inter password,"** _a robotic voice said, coming from the keyboard at the side of the door._

_Was this the new security system Gokudera was talking about? Tsuna thought, becoming really annoyed._

_"Let's see, OPEN?" He tried the most obvious password he could think of, the lack of sleep made him highly un-creative._

_**"The password is wrong, and what kind of password is that anyway?"** He never heard of a security system talking back at a person before._

_"CLOSE?" Yup, highly un-creative._

_**"Wrong you idiotic excuse of a human being."** _

_Okay, this security system is rude._

_"ABC?"_

**_"No."_ **

_"WRONG?"_

**_"WRONG!"_ **

_"Screw you."_

**_"A wise guy, huh?"_ **

_Cue for a bazooka to come flying at him._

* * *

Needless to say, he hated that thing with a passion and he begged his friend to remove it numerous of times.

_"As long as it keeps you safe I'm not removing it, Tenth."_

_"It attacked me."_

_"Like I said, if it means your safety, I'll do anything."_

_"With a bazooka."_

_"No pain, no gain."_

_"Okay, who are you and what did you do to Gokudera?"_

Now he knew what was the reason for his friend's change of behavior.

Over the years, Gokudera has changed from the rash hot-tempered teenager to the feared right hand of the Vongola Decimo. He advised him, gave away his opinions and doubts, and was still his friend when he needed him to be. They still hang out along with Yamamoto playing video games and reading comic books and such _(all behind Reborn's back mind you),_  but when the serious times comes, he was tough on him if the subject of his safety was involved.

And after the future incident, well let's say that Gokudera was watching him like a hawk. Going on meetings alone was a forbidding subject to even think about, the damned security system was upgraded to the most absurd of proportions, and he needed to fill up a form which had to be signed by all of his guardians before deciding to arrange for a meeting. That had two major problems, one was that there were some guardians that their whereabouts was not always known _(Mukuro and Chrome),_  so he has to track them down just to get their signatures (a task that was not in any shape or form an easy one), and another was the fact that being the head of the most influential Mafia family meant that he has to arrange for a shitloads of meetings, so he has to repeat the process all over again.

_Come on!_

The one time he decided to be a scheming mastermind  _(to save the future!)_ he gets this?

Yeah he was an unlucky guy.

Very much so.

But back to the main topic, he has to evade the blasted security system, go through booby trapped hallways, not letting a single staff member see him, all while making his guardians think that he was innocently doing his paperwork.

If he somehow managed to do all of that, he was a freaking ninja.

**"Oh, it's you again, the idiot that wants to get through this door unnoticed. Let me tell..."**

The doors have been unlocked.

The robotic voice asked with an obvious shock,  **"How**   **did you...?"**

"I have my ways." Tsuna smirked, crossing the doors whistling.

And ninja he will be.

* * *

Not letting any staff member see him proved to be a rather difficult task, there were dozens of them in each section of the mansion. So he took the next plan in action.

He pretended to be one of them.

Unlike Reborn's paper thin disguises  _(that somehow no one other than himself and Dino was able to see through them),_  his disguise was solid enough, after all sometimes you just have to blend in with the crowds.

"Yo Marco, deliver this to the technical center, be sure to be quick!" Marco was a an assistant to Gianinni, although he doesn't really do much, he only delivers materials, no real interactions with any major members of the family.

And that's why Tsuna decided to disguise as him.

He gave him a day off earlier and asked for his ID, the man didn't really object, he was too busy being shocked to see the head of the family for the first time.

So far so good.

The technical center was underground, so he wouldn't really go there, it was very far from the front gate of the mansion.

He was about to turn to another way before a familiar voice stopped him.

"Hey, did you happen to know where the technical center was? I'm kinda lost?"

Shit, it's Yamamoto!

_Stay focused Tsuna, all you have to do is tell him where it is._  He mentally chanted, calming himself.

Changing his voice, he answered, "Take a turn to the left, you will see a door that will lead you to a hallway and in the furthest corner you will see an elevator, type the password and you will be there."

Wow, he really did memorize the mansion by heart.

"Oh," his friend uttered and asked, scratching his head sheepishly, "Would you mind showing me the way? I think I'll be lost again if you didn't."

_He would get suspicious if I refused, right?_   _It's okay, I will go with him and as soon as we arrive I'll flee out of there._ "Alright."

"Thank you, I owe you one really." Yamamoto grinned cheerfully. "So, um..."

"Marco."

"So Marco, you're new here?"

Tsuna smiled nervously. "You could say that."

"Sorry again if I'm troubling you, it's just that this place can get very confusing."

"Of course, it was my honor to help the Rain Guardian."  _Smooth, Tsuna, smooth._

"Yamamoto is fine really, no need for formalities," the swordsman said, and keeping the conversation going, he inquired, "How is it like to work for Gianinni, I heard it's quite the fun in there."

_Fun? More like chaos_. "I-It's nice."

Yamamoto then looked thoughtfully at him. "You know, you remind me of someone."

_This doesn't looked good!_  Before he could think of a response, they arrived to where the elevator was at.

_Phew! That was close._

Only for the doors to open revealing Gokudera behind them.

_Oh for the love of God!_

"Oh, Goukudera, nice to see you here!" Yamamoto cheerfully exclaimed, while Tsuna tried his hardest not to look at his silver haired friend directly, he really wasn't sure if he could fool him as the others, no matter how good his disguise was  _(Goukudera had a sixth sense about him)._

The other gave a slight nod at the greeting. "You're heading to Giannini right?" With ten years passing by, Yamamoto and Gokudera didn't bicker like they did when they were younger _(but he couldn't really say that Yamamoto fought with the other)_ , the two still argue but now they're more civil, and they even hangout without him being the peacemaker.

"Yeah, the upgrades he did to my cellphone are slightly off." With that he took his cellphone out for them to see it opening and closing and shaping itself rapidly.

Gokudera snorted. "Slightly? The guy did a massacre to it."

Tsuna found himself agreeing whole heartedly, he shuddered when he remebered what the mechanic did to his mp3 player.

He knew he should've handed it to Spanner, but no, he had to be the nice guy, and what did he get? An insane, laser beam shooting, villainic mp3 of doom after him.

_He swore off anything music related thing after the incident._

It was then he noticed that his two friends were caught up talking about the way they could fix Yamamoto's cellphone.

Now was his chance, he needed to sleathly get out of here before any of the two realize that he was gone.

_Please don't notice me going, please don't notice me going, please don't_ \- "Where are you going?" _Damn it!_

"Uhh, nowhere."

Seconds later he found himself between his two friends in the elevator.

_Damn it!_

* * *

Gokudera didn't really know what to make of this Marco, he reminded him of someone, but who? And the way he's dressed, the way he's hiding his face with that cap that is too big on him, the way he keeps avoiding to talk and look at him,  _suspicious._

And so, he found himself bound to question the guy, "What are you carrying?"

The man in question tensed. "Materials."

"What kind of materials?"

"It's confidential."

"Even to the Guardians?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You don't know what are carrying, do you?"

Luckly for Marco, Yamamoto cut him off. "Now, now Gokudera, you don't have to interrogate the guy. He helped me earlier, and he knows the mansion more than me."

"Which makes him more suspicious!"

"Everyone is suspicious to you."

"I haven't been wrong about them, have I?"

"But you did suspect me."

"You _are_ suspicious, what with that smile all the time? It's like staring at the freaking Joker!"

"I think I'm more like Spider-Man really."

"No, you're a fre-"

"Where's Marco?"

Gokudera turned to see the elevator still and long since opened, with Marco nowhere in sight.

"That son of a bitch!"

* * *

_That was really, really close._  Tsuna thought, no longer running. If weren't for the fact that elevator had stopped, he would've been caught.

He doesn't have anything against Gokudera, he cherished his friend but sometimes, he hated his paranoid nature.

_Which way would I take to go up again?_

"You look extremely lost! Do want me to help?"

_Why, oh why...?_

"No I'm fine really," Tsuna mumbled, avoiding to look at his Sun Guardian, who was beaming for some reason.

"Today, I promised myself to extremely help someone, so I must help you!"

"You don't hav-"

With a glare he said almost threateningly, "I insist!"

"Alright." Tsuna accepted grudgingly. "Do you know where can I go up from here?"

"No!"

Tsuna twitched.

"Then how can you help me?"

"Find something else that I can help you with."

"I don't want any other help."

Ryohei's cellphone rang at that moment."Yo! I will Extremely catch him no worries!"

After finshing his call he turned to him asking, "Did you see a guy that has a green uniform, just like you. A blue cap that is big enough to hide his face, just like you. And is in the area near the elevator, just like you?"

Tsuna was very tempted to say  _'Yes, infact, he's me'_ , but answered with a simple, "No."

"Okay then, see you again!" And he ran off to God know where.

_Well that was easy,_ Tsuna thought, thinking about which way to go, but the sounds coming from the hallways next to him cut off his thoughts.

_"He couldn't get that far away."_

_"You told Ryohei about it, right?"_

_"I told everyone, they're searching for him right now."_

He stepped back slowly, fearing that Yamamoto and Gokudera might hear him, he kept stepping back until he bumped into someone.

_Please don't be someone I know, please don't be someone I know, please don't be_ \- "What are you doing in here, herbivore?" _Damn it!_

"I work here," he said with false bravado, it wasn't that he was afraid of Hibari, he was long since that, he was more afraid about the fact if anyone found out that it was him.  _Imagine the bullets Reborn is going to finish on him._

"Really? So you're not the intruder that has been lurking around here?"

"No."

_"Have you heard voices coming from there?"_

_"It might be that bastard!"_

"Why are you panicking then?" Hibari looked like he was having the time of his life,  _sadistic jerk._

He then dashed towards him attacking with his tonfas, and Tsuna absentmindedly dodged every strike.

_There has to be a way out of_ _here, wait! There is a vent behind Hibari, if I reached it, I'll... what the? Why is Hibari smirking like that?_

"You're strong, you remind me of someone who is too busy to fight me." Raising his tonfas, he started attacking again. "You will fight in his stead."

Great, now he set this guy after him, he knows that Hibari didn't fight anyone seriously in a long time, Mukuro appears and disappears from time to time, Reborn is not interested, and him? You cannot fight your boss, well, if he was busy anyway.

And he was busy.

To the point of insanity, he might add.

He maneuvered his dodges to get to the vent, if he fought him, he would be known, and he sure as hell didn't want that. His chance to run came by when Yamamoto and Gokudera arrived, which got Hibari's attantion away from him.

"There he is!"

But then, the Cloud Guardian stopped them. "If there is anyone who would beat that herbivore, it would be me."

"This isn't the time for that, Hibari," Yamamoto tried to reason.

"Stop wasting our time, we need to catch him!" Gokudera shouted, frustrated with other's antics.

The three of them soon began fighting, until Yamamoto pointed out." Where is he now?"

Gokudera groaned. "Not again!"

All while Hibari looked clearly pissed off.

"He's dead."

* * *

Tsuna suddenly felt a sense of impending doom while crawling inside the vent. He shrugged it off; there were a lot of people who wanted him dead.

_On to the more important matters, where does this vent go to?_

Well it wouldn't hurt to find out, anywhere would be better than where he was at.

* * *

Mukuro was not one to be caught off guard easily, scratch that, no one caught him off guard, it was the opposite really.

But he certainly was when the vent cover suddenly opened with a cap covered head peeking from it.

Abandoning his tea, he went to look at the person who dared to sneak into his study.

"Where is this place?" the person asked, his voice was very familiar.

"Vongola?"

"Mukuro?"

"Why are you in a vent?"

"Long story, could you step aside? I need to get out of here, it's kinda stuffy."

Stepping aside, the other jumped, landing on the floor successfully.

"I'm suprised you knew it was me." Dusting himself, he continued, "The others didn't know."

Mukuro smirked amusedly. "Of course, I'm an illusionist, simple disguises such as these will not fool me."

"Thought so." Looking around the room, Tsuna asked out of politeness, "This is your famed study, huh?"

"Do you like it?"

"It does have..." He saw a snake's corpse laying next to the desk. "A _unique_ theme."

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" Mukuro finally asked, cutting the chit-chat.

Tsuna then told him about his plans to escape the mansion, plans that Mukuro found that were highly amusing.

"Yamamoto, Hibari, and even Gokudera are after my blood right this moment."

"That would've been a sight to see," Mukuro stated, holding back a laugh. Just the thought of the  _-loyal than loyalty itself_ \- right hand man after his boss's blood unknowingly is simply hilarious.

"Glad you found my demise amusing, just don't tell anybody that I was here."

"I won't tell a soul." Mukuro vowed. After he was freed from the Vindice, he and Tsunayoshi reached to a mutual understading, they engaged in conversations from time to time, discussed about the families that were a threat to them and so on. They weren't friends, more like acquaintances.

"Just don't get yourself killed, who will I possess if you died?" he added.

"You're still on about that?" Tsuna asked, amused.

* * *

When he got out of Mukuro's study, he found out that he was an elevator away from the front gate.

_Nice!_

Too happy to finally go, Tsuna entered the elevator humming, all while grinning madly.

"Now I will be free at last, which place shall I go to first?"

"You seem awfully happy, what's up?"

"This isn't a ghost talking to me, right?" Tsuna asked in a dull monotone voice.

"No, why would I be a ghost? You're a funny guy really."

Tsuna then sighed, he really wasn't going to take a break today, was he? "Lambo."

"In the flesh, but how do you know me? I didn't meet you before." 

"You're famous around here." Tsuna answered, which got the other grinning.

"Really? I didn't know that, everyone just call me an idiot cow or something." Over the years, Lambo turned from a spoiled crybaby brat, to the  _'Adult Lambo'_  they knew in the past, a lazy, friendly, and down to earth young man. How he became that way was still a mystrey, but one thing he was sure of, is that this Lambo helped them a lot, whether he remembered it or not.

"Well, I think you're the one with the most potential in this family, you've achieved so much and yet you're still fifteen." There was no way he would allow the youth he considered to be a younger brother to reduce himself in that way.

Lambo's eyes widened with shock at his statement, and then he smiled gratefully. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

The touching moment came to an end when the elevator came to a stop. "Oh, here's my cue to leave, see you again La-"

In front of him was Hibari, smirking. "Hello, herbivore."

He closed the elevator in a heart beat.

"Now that I think about it, I think I'll go to the fourth floor."

"Was that-"

"That was a plant that looked like him."

"But-"

"It was a plant."

Lambo was unconvinced, but he shrugged it off; everybody was afraid of Hibari. "So you'll go up again, huh?" The other nodded in agreement.

When they arrived to the fourth floor, it was Yamamoto that was standing, back turned towards them.

_Close you blasted door, CLOSE!_

"I thought you wanted to go up here?" Lambo noted, he then saw the other's panicked expression,  _what the hell did this guy screw up to get Hibari and even Yamamoto after him?_

"No, I meant the fifth, honest mistake." _Riiiight_ , the teenager then decided to stick up with this guy to see how things would end up for him.

A second later, they arrived, this time it was Gokudera, and from the smile that promised absolute torture he had, and the other's cursing, Lambo knew the elevator's doors would be closed.

"Look, I know I look slightly-"

"Very-"

"- suspicious right now but I didn't do anything." The elevator doors opened.

"You extremely lied to me!"

_CLOSE!_

_Okay, seriously, what the hell?_

_Is this elevator the new hotspot for them or something?_

"Ryohei too?"

Tsuna laughed awkwardly.

A minute later, he was running from Lambo's lightning strikes.

* * *

Somehow along the way, he got Gokudera, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Hibari, Lambo and even Shouichi and Spanner after him at the same time.

_"Like hell I'll let you ruin every damn effort I pulled to make this future decent!"_

Who said anything about ruining the future?!

What the hell is wrong with them? Why are they so freaking paranoid?

_"I really don't want to get involved with this."_

Then why are you holding a bazooka? And smirking no less!

They kept chasing him relentlessly, and with each turn he took, some room got destroyed.

_Not the game room!_

And between running away with his life, and his guardians cursing him, he asked himself:

_Does escaping paperwork really worth all of this?_

.

.

.

_HELL YES!_

And so, with newfound determination, he increased his speed.

* * *

When Chrome got back from a mission she was ordered to for the past week, she expected the usual welcome, her boss smiling at her while she gave him her report, and then going to Mukuro to tell him how everything went by.

What she didn't expect was to see Bossu running like a bat out of hell from his  _own_  guardians.

When her boss crossed paths with her, he smiled. "Oh, hey Chrome, how was your trip?"

_Why are you even stopping to say Hi to me, you're going to get killed! "_ I-It was good."

Seeing that his chasers got way too close, he bid her goodbye. "That's good, be sure to leave your report on my desk!" he called out while running. 

_Bossu could be very fast when he wants to be_ , she noted.

"That bastard!" Gokudera yelled at the fact that their target was speeding again.

_Did the world just end?_

"Don't worry Gokudera, we'll catch him." Yamamoto reasoned, utterly serious.

_Bossu... what the hell did you do?!_

"That sleeze bag, he totally tricked me by acting all nice and knowing." Lambo grunted.

"He's interesting." Hibari smirked, in a way that promised misery at the very sight of it.

_He's dead, he's so dead, he's totally dead, he's so-totally-really dead!_

She thought about stopping them for a moment, but looking at their expression, she didn't.

Because any sane human being would run at the sight of a group of pissed off mafia men.

And Chrome without a doubt was a sane woman.

_Bossu could handle this._

_Right...?_

* * *

After an hour of running and dodging and hiding, Tsuna found himself at the top floor of the mansion.

_How the hell did I end up here?_

It was him, cornered by the entire Vongola force, and an innocent looking window that viewed the whole state.

_Yup, I'm doomed._

"It's time for you to give up, there is no way out of here," Gokudera said.

He was right, Tsuna admitted, he was really, really trapped.

Before he decided to just give in, a breeze coming from the window stopped him.  _Let's improvise shall we_. He then stood at the edge of it, preparing to jump.

Shocked mumbles filled the room.

_"He's not to jump from here for real, right?"_

_"No way, somebody stop this crazy guy!"_

Tsuna didn't really pay attantion to them, he was far more busy looking for something on the land down.

Where's the hay carriage? He continued to look until he miraculously had found it.

Time to jum-

_RRRRING~!_

It was his phone, now really wasn't the time- _shit! It's Reborn!_

"Hello?"

**_"Why do I get the feeling that you're doing something very stupid?"_ ** his tutor immediately asked.

_How the hell did he know? Not that I'm doing something stupid right now, it totally makes sense to me-_

**_"Idiot, are you even listening to me? Okay, that's it, I'm coming back."_ **

And that brought him back from his thoughts. "NO! I mean, I'm just sitting in my office not running away from doing paperwork, and not causing the whole Vongola to hunt me down, and certainly not going to jump from a very high distance. I'm not doing any of that at all!"

**_"Tsuna."_ **

"Yes?"

_**"You suck at lying."** _

And he hang up.

_So much for not letting Reborn know._

But if he was going to get caged in his office for eternity, might as well have a day off.

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" Chrome said suddenly, she and Mukuro were talking about the weird occurrence she saw earlier.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Is that Bossu?" She pointed towards the person standing on the edge of a window high up the mansion, talking on his cellphone.

Mukuro's usual amused expression instantly vanished.

* * *

The door was slammed opened revealing Mukuro and Chrome behind it.

"I tell not to get yourself killed, and you go all the way and do the exact opposite? I'm not letting ten years of serving under the mafia go to waste dammit! GET OFF THE FREAKING WINDOW!" Mukuro shouted.

Chrome was more calm about it  _(it's not like her plans for world domination would be ruined anyway)_. "Bossu be reasonable, don't jump, what do you think-"

Too late, as Tsuna turned towards them with a salute and jumped.

"He totally ignored me," Chrome stated dully.

A moment of silence.

"Did you just say  _'Bossu'_? As in, the Tenth?"

Another moment of silence.

"OH DEAR GOD!"

* * *

So this is what Ezio and Altair felt when they jumped off towers.

It's a nice feeling really.

Wind running furiously on his body, the adrenaline rush, the hay carriage moving...

Wait a minute... the hay carriage is  _moving_?

Oh _NO!_

He's dead, he didn't think he would die like this, he knew that paperwork would be the death of him but not in this way.

He wished he had the ability to fly right now.

But wait another minute...He could freaking fly!

Dying Will Mode, one of the few good things in his life right now.

And so, he used his flames to land calmly on the ground, sighing with relief as he turned to get out of the mansion's main gate (and dropping his disguise while at it).

Only to see his whole family in front of him.

And they were royally pissed off.

"Ahaha." He laughed to brighten the mood. He failed.

"I can explain really."

No one listened to him.

* * *

And here he was, Vongola Decimo, yet again sitting in his office, staring at the rapidly growing stacks of paperwork murderously.

His little stunt caused more damage than he thought.

So this plan failed, his guardians are livid, the mansion is trashed, and he couldn't get a day off.

Not mentioning that he was banned from ever playing Assassin's Creed (his guardians claimed that he might get ideas from it).

_He swore he could hear laughter coming from these papers._

Yeah, this plan really failed.

But he's not going to stop planning.

The war had just started, and he only lost the first round.

 


	3. Avoid by Being Sick.

 

 

_When I became a Mafia boss, I expected prestige, authority and power._

_I didn't expect the ridiculous amount of paperwork that came along with it._

_So that's why Secondo hugged me the moment I took the position from him._

_The bastard!_

**Vongala Terzo.**

* * *

Watching the sky from the window was an old habit he acquired, not understanding a single word his middle school teacher babbled made him realize what an interesting thing a window was, and his desk, and the floor, anything but that cursed thing which goes by the name of ' _Math_ '. He hated it with the passion of thousand Ryoheis, so it's rather ironic that his job now consisted of calculating and balancing and whatnot.

He thought he was a mafia boss not an accountant.

No one could blame him if he found the sky more interesting than his paperwork. Every time he looked at those stacks of paper, he became depressed. It's not good for his health, you know?

He paused in realization and grinned.

_Speaking of health..._ _**.** _

* * *

Sick people didn't do a thing, sick people took a day off, sick people rested, and the most certain of all is that sick people did not do paperwork.

Today, he was going to be sick.

He wasn't usually a sickly person, he only got treated for injuries that he got from battles, but even that was rare considering that one: He was the boss, and so he wasn't in the front lines. And two: It was rare to find families brave  _(insane)_  enough to declare war against them  _(the Millefiore was out for obvious reasons),_ so now they were in a relatively peaceful state.

He was ranked the second in the  _ **'Mafia Men Who Never Got Sick**_ _'_  ranking according to Fuuta, with Reborn being the first. So to be suddenly ill would raise suspicions, he really had to make a performance and not some childish acting of an elementary school kid refusing to go to school.

He devised a two step plan to make sure of that.  _  
_

Step one: Smell some daisies. He was allergic to them, it was nothing serious, just a coughing fit.  _All is for a good cause_ , he reasoned.

Step two: Call Gokudera to come over his office, just so he could hear the coughing and insist that he should take a rest. With him being like ' _But the paperwork, I can't just leave it'_

_Time to get to work._

* * *

Half an hour later, he succeeded and was currently in his room, watching TV and being totally relaxed.

_But why does he feels that this will end soon?_

* * *

"Tenth! Shamal is not available so I brought you the best doctor in here!"

Probably because of that.

"Gokudera  _-_ _ **cough**_ \- I don't need - _ **cough**_ \- a doctor." He tried to say, his coughing fit didn't exactly wear off.

His friend just gave him a stern look and gestured to the doctor to get near. "Put your best efforts in treating him. If he doesn't get better, you  _will_  get killed."

The poor doctor just gulped, and Tsuna couldn't blame him really, the glare Gokudera sent made him would've freaked him out a little if he wasn't already his friend. "No one is going to get killed, and I don't need a doctor really, all I need is some rest and my PS3."

"Really?" Gokudera didn't seem to be buying it.

"Re ** _-cough-_** ally." _Damn _daisies__.

Ignoring him, the Storm Guardian stated, "I'll be back after a while." Leaving Tsuna and the doctor alone.

"So, how are you?" was Tsuna's attempt to start a conversation.

"F-fine, just fine." The doctor was very panicked to answer anything really.

An hour ago, he was minding his own business in the hospital when a group of men in black came into his office and dragged him to this mansion. He was then met by a teenager who turned into a small child, a guy with tonfas who had a permanent death glare stuck to his features, a guy training with a  _kangaroo_ , a guy with a creepy laugh and weird hairstyle choice, a killer baseball shooting swordsman, and the pissed as hell guy who brought him here.

After all of that mental scaring, he was told that he would treat a Mafia boss.

A freaking Mafia boss!

If he messed this up, he's doomed, screwed, dead and doomed again.

While he was busy freaking out, a man with a chameleon on his shoulder entered the room. Only when the man talked he noticed,  _what a scary looking guy!_

"I heard that you got sick," the scary guy said.

The Mafia boss laughed feebly. "Yeah, it was all of a sudden really."

The scary guy raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really." The mafia boss insisted, not sounding convincing at all.

The scary guy smirked knowingly before turning towards him. "Be sure to treat him well." And then, he left.

_I almost peed my pants._

"You really don't have to be here, you can go if you wanted to," the Mafia boss offered. Out of all the crazy, mental and scary people he met during his short stay at this mansion, ironically, the boss was the nicest and the most normal one.

"I-It's okay, it's my job."  _And there are at least hundreds of people just waiting to kill me at the slightest mess up._

"Okay then." The other accepted.

After a brief check up, he gave him some pills. "You have a slight allergic reaction, take one of these now and after twelve hours take another dose."

The Mafia boss nodded understandably and popped one pill into his mouth. He started writing some notes on the bottle that contained the pills. "I wrote what you need to know on th-" He froze.

_These aren't the allergy pills..._ _**.** _

He read what was written on the bottle:  **Experimental medication (currently not be taken), only used for extreme mental breakdowns, might cause hallucinations, amnesia, or in some rare occasions, heart attacks.**

_Oh my God!_

"What's wrong?" the younger male asked.

"N-nothing! Absolutely nothing! ... say how are you feeling now?"

The Mafia boss gave him a confused look. "I'm fine nothing... oh, I feel kinda dizzy."

"Dizzy how? Slightly dizzy? Really dizzy? Crazy dizzy?  _Deathly dizzy_?" He asked panickedly.  _I'm soooooooo dead!_

"I think I'm okay now."  _Eh?_

_Thank God! Could it be that the pills didn't work? It did say it was experimental, and why the hell did I have it anywa-?_

"Can I ask you a question?" the Boss said after being quiet for a few moments.

"Yes."

"Did you bring your twin here?" He asked innocently.

A moment of silence.

_I probably should work on my passport right now._

"Hahaha, nice joke, you are quite the funny guy." The doctor desperately tried to avoid his horrible fate.

"I am Superman!" the mafia boss suddenly declared,  _the meds were taking effect_ , the doctor noted grimly.

"N-no you're not."  _Where would I be out of the mafia's sight? Spain? Italy? No, that's where they come from. China? Too close. Antarctica...?_

"Oh, I'm not? Then I'm Batman!"  _Antarctica it is!_

"You're not Batman either."  _But what if they find me there anyways?_

"Robin?"

"No."

"Oh, then Spiderman?"

"You're not a superhero."

The Mafia boss got quiet for a second.

Before he laughed,  _evilly_. "Then I'm the ultimate ruler of the world! All of you bow down before me!" Apparently, when you weren't a superhero, you're automatically a villain.

It was then that the doctor had snapped, grabbing the mafia boss' shoulders firmly, he started. "You're not Superman, Batman, Robin, Spiderman or any kind of superhero. And you're not an evil overlord who is hellbent on world domination. You are a freaking mafia boss who has a mansion full of people who will freaking kill me or make me flee to freaking Antarctica! I don't want to go to freaking Antarctica! It's freaking cold in there! So you're going sit right, talk normally and snap out of it! You are my only chance of ever going out of this place alive to see my unborn grandchildren, so please say that you were just pranking me and all of this didn't happen!"

The other looked at him confusedly. "Who are you?"

The doctor began to cry.

_I think I'm going to freaking Antarctica after all._

"Seriously, who are you?"

* * *

It was when the door was knocked that the doctor awoke from the self pitying state, and with speed and strength he didn't know he had, he threw the very confused mafia boss onto the room's bed and covered him with the sheets.

He quickly turned to see who entered and saw that it was the silver haired guy who first brought him to this room. "Have you finished?" he immediately asked.

_Keep it cool, keep it cool. "_ Yes, I'll take my leave now."

And before he proceeded to run out of there, the silver haired guy asked again, "Where is the Tenth?"

"He's fast asleep." the doctor answered, hoping that the fact that he was lying through his teeth didn't show on his face. The other gave him a blank stare before he walked up to the bed, at the exact same moment that the Mafia boss wiggled out of the sheets and spotted them.

"Oh, hi there." He grinned brightly at them. "You're related to him?" he questioned his associate, pointing towards the very pale doctor who was shaking with fright.

As expected, the pissed off guy grabbed him by his collar and hissed. "What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?"

At first, he tried distraction. "What do you mean? It's common to ask the people who look like each other about whether they're related or not."

"We don't look like each other." His grip was tightening.

Then, he tried denial. "He's fine, totally fine."

Now he was being strangled. "Does he look alright to you?" He pointed towards his boss, who was bouncing on the bed doing some very impressive acrobatic flips.

"Y-Yes?"  _Wow, where did he learn that from?_

"He doesn't look fine to me," the other stated coldly, the  _'I'm going to murder you veeery slowly'_  look was obvious on his face.

And then, the doctor burst in tears,  _again_. "It was a normal allergy case then  ** _-sniff-_** I gave him the wrong pills  ** _-sniff-_** then he began acting like a lunatic  ** _-sniff-_** and Antarctica is very cold ** _-sniff-_** I'm bold  **-sniff-** "

"What the hell are you talking about?" the pissed off guy asked bluntly, fervently trying to get the sobbing middle aged man off him.

"My wife then left me for the pool guy ** _-sniff_** \- which is a thing I can't blame her for it because I would've done the same if I was more attractive."

_Does he think I'm his marriage counselor or something?_ Gokudera asked himself, forgetting about the situation for a second. But when he did remember, he urgently dialed on his cell phone. "Call every Guardian to gather in the Tenth's room, be quick about it!"

"So  ** _-sniff-_** am I free to go now?" He was answered by a death glare.

The doctor then knew that the only way he could get out of this room was in a body bag.

* * *

Soon, everybody was here, with some looking at the room with admiration, some with questioning looks on their faces, and some asking  _'Why the hell am I even here?'_  mentally.

_It's the freaks from before!_  The doctor noted, trying to hold his last nerves.

"We have a situation,"Gokudera finally spoke. "Due to a certain  _soon-to-be dead_  guy's fault." he looked murderously at the shaking man in the back. "The Tenth is in critical condition. I called you here so we could find a solution."

"He doesn't look that sick to me." Lambo pointed out, seeing that Tsuna was just watching TV.

Then he turned towards them grinning. "What's up dudes!"

"I take my words back."

"What happened to him?" Yamamoto asked concernedly.

Gokudera then told them everything including the side effects of the pills. Ryohei went straight to beat up the doctor, Yamamoto was trying his hardest not to beat up the guy himself, Lambo was holding back tears, Chrome was shell-shocked and Hibari and Mukuro just stood there.

"It's none of my business," Hibari said solemnly, already facing the door.

"It would be my first time agreeing with him, I can't do much here," was all what Mukuro had said.

"Really now?" Gokudera challenged. "So you wouldn't care if the strongest person you know besides Reborn dies? That you could get on with your life without defeating him at least once? I find that hard to believe, Hibari." Seeing the scowl on the said guy's face, he smirked,  _gotcha._

Next, he looked towards Mukuro. "And you, you kept mouthing utter crap about possessing the Tenth to bring the world to destruction, so now when your chance to do so is slipping by you wouldn't do anything? It really makes me rethink the reason you stayed."

"I still have that goal in my mind," Mukuro defended.

"Oh yeah? Then prove it."

The two psychos stayed, although albeit unwillingly.

"Since I will not trust doctors for obvious reasons" He saw the doctor laying unconscious at the corner of the room. "We have to take matters into our hands."

"So, any ideas?"

* * *

"Are you sure this will work, baseball freak?"

"Yup! All the blood going to his head will clear his mind, so he will recover soon," Yamamoto said, overly confident about his idea.

"I think he is extremely red in the face," Ryohei noted, getting a bit concerned.

Yamamoto's idea was to hold Tsuna upside down until he answers the question of who he was, it was fool-proof really. "Do you remember me, Tsuna?" he asked.

"Why is your foot in the place of you face? Are you Bigfoot?" was the response.

"I think your idea is really not working," Mukuro noted this time, observing the glassy look in Tsuna's eyes.

"But he seems fine now."

"That's because he's unconscious!" Lambo was kinda flailing now.

"Why I even handed him over to you is still beyond me," Gokudera muttered. "Get him back to the way he was!"

Lying Tsuna on the floor, the seven of them formed a circle around him. "Great, now what we will d- Chrome what are you doing?"

Chrome was kneeling before the unconscious brunet, holding a small, purple fumed bag next to his nose.

"That's something Miss Bianchi gave to me, she says that it will even wake the dead."

_Yeah, so they could die again!_  Gokudera mentally exclaimed.

But then, Tsuna stirred, looking rather pained before he suddenly woke up and ran towards the bathroom, emptying his stomach. And after a while of that, he finally finished and got out of the bathroom.

Noticing them upon getting out, he greeted them with a smile. "Oh, hello eve-" And he got back into the bathroom again.

"What exactly did you make him smell, Chrome?" Yamamoto asked.

Chrome tapped her chin lightly before she answered, "Miss Bianchi called it  _'The Eternal Love'_."

"Aka: Hundreds of hours throwing up," Lambo said, looking slightly horrified.

"He's rather unfortunate." Hibari was actually feeling sorry for the guy, he remembers one time he ate that woman's cooking. He was still in denial about whether he got scarred for life or not.

Ryohei then snapped his head in realization. "I Extremely know just the thing that would help Sawada!"

Dragging Tsuna out of the bathroom, Ryohei brought out a huge bottle out of nowhere and shoved it into his mouth, and Tsuna, having no other choice but to drink whatever Ryohei was forcing him to drink, took all the liquid in the bottle in.

Everyone held their breaths in waiting as Tsuna just stayed still upon finishing the bottle, not moving an inch and looking clearly zoned out.

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what did you give him?" Gokudera asked, _I think my blood pressure has gone sky high by now._

"Vaki!" the boxer declared proudly.

"What the hell is Vaki?"

"It's a Vodka and Saki mixture I extremely made."

Gokudera's eyes widened.

"Vodka and Saki as in...  _alcohol?_ "

"That's the idea!" Ryohei grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

"You made the Tenth drink a huge bottle of alcohol?"

"Yes."

"And now he's drunk?"

"Yes?" Ryohei was getting more confused by the minute.

"You let him get drunk?"

"I think we get the idea," Mukuro interrupted, growing irritated with the Gokudera's repeatedness. He was surprised when he grabbed his shoulders and shook him fiercely.

"You don't get it do you?" Gokudera kept shouting as he was still shaking the other. "The Tenth is drunk! You all remember right? Three years ago, on the Tenth's 21th birthda- Where is he?"

It was then that he let go of Mukuro's shoulders,  _finally! I think I saw my dead grandmother for a minute._

While the illusionist was getting the hold of his spinning head, the others were having a moment of realization when they noticed that their boss wasn't there.

Tsuna was somewhere in the mansion, drunk, and with no one to stop him.

"Oh shit... ** _._** "

* * *

Ever since Tsuna's twenty first birthday, a rule was made to never, ever, let him get drunk.

Unlike other types of drunk people, he was a rather unique case. He wasn't an angry drunk, or a happy drunk, nor a sad drunk, not even a talkative drunk. There was a reason why many mafia families tried their hardest to get him intoxicated.

And so the guardians finally found their boss, kneeling in front of one of the mansion's maids, looking affectionately at the blushing woman.

_"Would you marry me?"_

Their boss was a marrying drunk.

* * *

She wasn't sure what good deed she made this day, but she sure as hell wasn't complaining.

The life of being a maid in the Vongola family's mansion had its upsides and downsides, you get to work for a wonderful salary and in a place filled with very attractive guys, though all of them were, if you put it simply,  _insane_.

But she would take her chances no less if she could.

Minako was just finishing dusting the paintings that were hanged on the hallway's walls when she spotted someone walking slowly towards her way. She didn't give it much though, it was probably another staff member like hersel, and taking her cleaning tools, she started to walk away.

Though she immediately stopped when the person spoke to her.

"Hi there."

_Oh god, that voice..._

Minako saw was the boss, eyes half lidded, shirt's buttons undone and smiling a little, yet full of many meanings, smile.

_Nosebleed alert!_

"H-Hi," she managed to stutter out, she was desperately holding her nose just so wouldn't embarrass herself in front of her boss.

Stepping a little closer, he asked, "How are you?"

By now her brain was fried. "Good, good a-and y-you?"  _Okay, this is not good for my heart._

His smile widened. "I'm fine, thanks for asking."

_You sure are fine, very fiiiiiiiine!_ She thought before mentally slapping herself.

Her boss then whispered, almost breathily, "Say,  _cara_..."

_As if you talking in Japanese wasn't hot enough, now you talk in Italian?_

He then took her right hand and kissed it gently before kneeling in front of her.

"...would you marry me?"

"Uh..." Minako managed to utter.

_Yes, yes, yes! And hell YES!_

Soon though, her dream of marrying the Vongola boss came to an end when he was dragged away by his guardians.

"Thank God we found him before he got himself in an another unwanted marriage," the right hand mumbled, all while other guardians nodded in agreement.

No one paid her any mind as she stood there, heartbroken.

That is, until her boss blew her a kiss.

She stared after their trail for a while before she decided that yes, working here was  _definitely_  worth it.

* * *

Tsuna had the talent of making any person he proposed to ( _while he was drunk_ ) accept without hesitation, even when they were totally sober.

This talent was discovered when he turned twenty one. The family, wanting him to celebrate the occasion more strongly, forced him to drink.

And soon, they found out that he was on his way to get married to a girl he met in the casino. To say that they had to peel the girl off their boss was an understatement. She took a huge liking towards Tsuna that she brought her family to join the fiasco, it turned out that the girl was the daughter of an ally family's boss, her father demanded that the marriage should proceed. Other ally families didn't take that too well.

In short, it was a disaster.

After he sobered up, Tsuna handled the situation and apologized for his actions, and promised to make up for it in any other way.

_It's good that we avoided it for now_ , Gokudera mused, now being once again in the Tenth's room, trying to find a way to solve this.

He noticed that the doctor was now awake, although he still couldn't move as of yet.

"I know the way to return Sawada Tsunayoshi to normal," Hibari suddenly declared.

Gokudera prayed that his idea didn't involve blood.

* * *

It did.

"So let me get this straight, you're going to beat up the Tenth?"

"Yes."

"And why should I let you?"

Hibari let out a sigh of irritation, not wanting to repeat himself again, but having no other choice but to. "The adrenaline rush will get rid of the alcohol."

"It's stupid idea, but then again it came from you, so no surprise," was Mukuro's response, shrugging with a sigh.

Behind them, the doctor was conflicted,  _as a doctor I cannot let that happen, but as a man fearing for his life I think I should just pretend that I didn't hear a thing_. He found himself objecting anyways, "That's not how the adrenaline works."  _Damn me and my morals!_

The tonfa wielding guy turned to him very slowly and asked him with a cold, murderous intent, "Did I ask for your opinion,  _doctor?_ "

"N-No sir!" The doctor shrieked.

He smirked knowingly. "That's what I thought."

"A brute will always be a brute," Mukuro remarked, but Hibari didn't give him any heed and just went to beat up the poor, unsuspecting, not mention drunk Tsuna.

_It started with a kick to the shin._

"This is not a good idea," Lambo stated.

_A punch to the face._

"I extremely agree! This is just  _too_  extreme."

_A tonfa to the stomach._

"At this rate, Tsuna won't be able to watch the baseball game with me next week."

"Because he's dead?"

"Hey, it's not nice of you to say that, Muk-"

_A face slammed to the floor._

"...Yeah."

_A body thrown to the farthest distance in the room._

"Poor Bossu."

_Resulting in the said body slamming on the wall._

"Why aren't you doing anything, Gokudera?"

"..."

"Why is he stabbing himself?"

"He's extremely shocked and denial that this is happening!"

_The sounds of bones cracking could be heard._

"That's ten years of pent up rage right there."

_The cries of agony._

"I couldn't posses someone who is dead, you know? It's a scientific fact."

"What?"

"Don't you watch the Discovery channel?"

"Again, what?"

_The psychotic laughter._

"Now that's a horror movie."

"I have a question?"

"Yes?"

"Why are we even standing here chit chatting while the Tenth is beaten up to a bloody pulp?"

"That's a good question."

"..."

"You all are idiots!"

And so all of them rushed to stop Hibari from killing their boss. And after succeeding in doing that, they all sent the Cloud Guardian questioning looks, some with glares, some with malice, and some with utter confusion.

"What the hell was that?!" Gokudera shouted.

"What was what?" Hibari asked, as if he wasn't doing some serious beat down a second ago.

"You know what I'm asking about!"

"I was simply healing him."

"You call that healing?" Lambo asked, pointing at his passed out,  _could be dead_ , boss.

"Yes." Hibari nodded firmly.

"You didn't have to go that far," Yamamoto reasoned, picking Tsuna up and putting him in a comfortable position on a couch next to him.

"If you're telling me that I over did it, you're mistaken."

"You were laughing," Chrome stated.

"You looked stupid with those shocked expressions on your faces."

"Like a lunatic," she added.

"You were extemely disturbing back there!" Ryohei exclaimed.

"I don't have to explain myself to you," Hibari said before he casually sat a respectful distance away from them

"One day," Gokudera warned, "I'm going to kill you, and  _I will_  enjoy it!"

"With him failing rather spectacularly, it's my turn to show you all my idea," Mukuro announced, bringing out a small bottle from his pocket.

"Is it alcoholic?" Gokudera asked.

"No."

"Something my sister made?"

"Ah, no."

"A way you could possess the Tenth with?"

"I'm not that low."

"Blood?"

"Seriously, what the hell?"

"Someone's melted guts?"

"...That is just  _sick_."

"Good." The right hand nodded solemnly. "I hope for your sake that it will work."

The illusionist stepped forward and made Tsuna drink from the bottle, all while the other waited for a reaction.

After two minutes of complete silence Gokudera said, "Well?"

"It doesn't have a fast effect," Mukuro defended.

Hibari snorted. "Admit it, you've failed."

"Oh, like you have?"

"You're dead."

"G-Gokudera?" the voice snapped everyone's attention towards Tsuna.

"Tenth, you're alive!" Gokudera stated happily, all while Mukuro sent a smug grin towards Hibari, who in return scoffed angrily.

Tsuna smiled in return and then his eyes gained an unnerving glaze over them. "It's dark in here."

"What do you mean? It's noon-  _Mukuro_."

This time Hibari sent Mukuro a smug grin, all while mouthing, ' _You've failed,'_  repeatedly, much to the other's annoyance.

"What did you give him?" Gokudera asked, calmly, which was a very bad sign.

"Honestly, I don't know." Mukuro replied. "All I know that it's suppose to heal."

"Have you ever tried it on yourself?"

"No."

"You have no idea what the hell is it, do you! Do you even know where did you get it from?" At this point, Gokudera was all for killing Mukuro without a second thought, seeing as he was about to bring all of his weapons out.

Mukuro looked thoughtful for a minute. "Now that I think about it, I remember that it was a very hot place, with fires really, people were screaming there for some reason."

"YOU GAVE HIM SOMETHING YOU GOT FROM HELL?"

"Well if you put it that way... yeah, I think I did."

Gokudera was about to kill him, for real, when Tsuna said, "I think I'm seeing a light."

He shrieked in horror. "Don't go near it! Stay away from it!"

"But it's so beautiful."

"Beautiful my ass! Tenth, get the hell away from it!" Gokudera repeated, grabbing Tsuna's shoulders and shaking him back to consciousness but to no avail.

"It's inviting me."

"The light is evil Tsuna, it will pull you to a never ending darkness."

"Aka: DEATH!"

"Lambo."

"Yeah?"

"Not helping!"

"Oh, okay then I'll just take a nap." And he closed his eyes, in the same exact way that dying people do.

"What? No!" Gokudera shouted as he saw that. And fearing the worst, he listened to his pulse which was rapidly decreasing.

"His heart is going to stop!"

"Step aside," Lambo ordered, in a rare show of seriousness. Some electric lines were surrounding his hands, and like a scene in a hospital drama he said, "Clear," and electrocuted Tsuna, and with way he was burned, it seemed like it didn't work.

"Well done, you made him from almost dead to completely dead," Mukuro noted dully. "Impressive really."

"Hey, it was your fault that his heart was going to stop anyway!" Lambo defended.

"It wasn't my fault either, if this brute hadn't made him into his personal punching bag, we could've avoided this."

"His fault," Hibari said only, pointing towards Ryohei.

"It wasn't my fault, I extremely resent that! It was Chrome's."

Chrome blinked in shock, and then pointed towards Yamamoto silently.

"Chrome?" _You traitor_! "I hate to tell you this Gokudera, but all of this wouldn't happen if you hired a competent doctor."

"Hey!" the doctor said, looking offended.

"Shut up," everyone said in reply.

"Okay!"

Somehow, a fight started between the guardians, with all of them blaming each other.

"Tenth, you have to wake up!" Gokudera pleaded. "I can't handle these lunatics!  _I'm one of these lunatics_  so I can't be the sane guy, that's your job! Please, just wake up!"

The doctor's sudden question stopped all the movement in the room.

"Now if you all are done here, could you let me do my fucking job?"

* * *

_Where am I? And why do I feel like I've been standing up upside down, smelt something Bianchi had made, hangovered, beaten to a pulp, drank something made in hell and_ electrocuted?

"You finally decided to wake." The voice took his attention away from the absurd question,  _that couldn't have happened to me_ , only to see that it was Reborn smirking at him, amused.

"The doctor did a fairly good job fixing his and the other's mistakes," Reborn mused.

"What happened?"

"What happens when you pretend that you are sick." Tsuna gulped. "I'll leave you to rest now, you have a lot of papers waiting to be signed tomorrow."

_But I can't even lift my hand!_ "Reborn, I'm not pretending now, so could you at least give me a week's rest?"

Reborn just smirked and left the room.

"Sh _ **-cough-**_ it." _Damn _daisies__.

* * *

** _Meanwhile._ **

* * *

"From now on, you will work only for the Vongola family," a man in black told him.

_I knew I should've just went to freaking Antarctica._


	4. Avoid by Matchmaking.

 

 

_"Why do you use a fork for a weapon, sir?" one of my men asks._

_"I'll tell you if you do this paperwork of mine," I answer._

_He looks with grimace at the huge stacks of papers in front of me. "No, I think I'll pass," he mumbles, hurriedly leaving my office._

_"That's what I thought." I smirk._

_And that's how the mystery of me being a fork wielder was never solved._

_Now on to do my bloody paperwork._

**_Vongola Quarto._ **

* * *

After the whole _-_ him being sick _-_  affair has ended, feeling guilty, his Guardians allowed him to go anywhere as long as it was in the mansion. And feeling rather happy about this development, Tsuna quickly took advantage of it.

As he was peacefully walking throughout the mansions hallways, he saw the meeting room's door opened. Entering it with caution, he relaxed upon seeing that it was Chrome who was there, watching something on the screen.

"What are you doing here, Chrome?" Tsuna asked, curious as to why she was all alone in here,  _did someone call about a possible attack?_

"I was just watching a series," Chrome answered with a smile. "This screen is clearer and wider than the one my TV has, so..."

"Oh." He nodded understandably. "Can I watch it with you then?" Everyone was out doing missions, and Reborn was taking a nap  _(what? You think he would stay in the mansion if his demonic tutor was out?)_  so he thought about nothing better he could do. Besides, it's been a while since the two of them sat together and talked.

"Of course, Boss." Chrome smiled softly, gesturing for him to take a seat next to her.

Two minutes of watching, and Tsuna was already regretting it. What Chrome was so engrossed in was a day time soap opera, he suspected that Kyoko and Haru got her into watching it somehow.

And with every  _(cliche)_  surprising plot twist, and every  _(cliche)_  thrilling cliffhangers, and every  _(cliche)_  horrible confession, Chrome thought it was her duty to explain them all to him, heatedly discussing the soap opera's complicated story, much to his dismay.

Still, seeing her doing something that didn't involve the Mafia was a good thing. Having friends who insisted that she should watch certain shows and ending up liking them was something Chrome wanted for so long ever since she was little. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he hated the show, not while she was smiling happily like that.

"You see that woman? Her name is Carla, she was Tony's wife before he got into an accident and lost his memories. Now she is trying to break up him with Mandy."

"Who?"

"The one who nursed Dan who was Tony's replacement in the death of Tania."

 _I don't know what's what anymore_ , this series's plot was more confusing than the brief introduction of parallel worlds Shouichi explained to him.

He then saw the soap opera's tough guy all acting lovey dovey with a glasses wearing girl. And without realizing it, he voiced thoughts. "Didn't this guy beat up an entire gang moments ago? Why is he acting like someone who came out from a romance novel?"

"Oh, you mean Greg."  _Why was a gang leader named Greg? "_ Well, ever since he fell for Amy, he became more affectionate. Miss Bianchi called it the power of love."

"Right..." Tsuna said, finding it hard to believe in that. So if by any chance Gokudera, Mukuro, and Hiabri somehow fell in love, they will get overly mushy and well behaved?

That would certainly help him.

Wait a minute...

"So you mean that if problematic people fell in love, they will behave like this? Real life wise?"

"Yes." Chrome nodded approvingly, remembering how Miss Bianchi herself behaved around Reborn.

"Chrome."

 _Why was he smiling like that?_ "Yes, Boss?"

"Would you like to be an aunt?"

 _This will not end well,_  Chrome concluded inwardly.

* * *

So, she found herself helping her boss with his scheme. She didn't get why was he suddenly interested in finding suitable life partners for his Guardians, and when she asked him he just cackled evilly.

If something went wrong ( _she was sure it will_  ), Chrome wasn't involved, she would like her remaining body-parts to be intact  _thank you very much_.

Her boss's plan was to go to online dating sites, because it wasn't easy to find anyone the normal way. She was slightly ( _very_ ) suspicious at how, exactly, her boss knew the best sites for that job, but she didn't press it any further, somethings are not meant to be known.

After consulting the working staff and themselves, they managed to make a decent profile for every guardian except Ryohei and Lambo, the former because he was dating Hana, and the latter because he was young for the site's standard age.

"All set," she said, submitting the post.

"Good, now you have to choose locations that would be easy for you to observe from. I would do it but you know that I can't leave," Bossu said, sending an apologetic smile to her.

"It's alright, I understand. But how are you going to convince them?"

Tsuna let out a sigh at that. "It's going to be difficult to convince some of them, but I'll hopefully manage."

She nodded and looked again at the page both of them wrote. They weren't sure if they'll get any replies since they didn't post any pictures (for obvious reasons) and the financial situation was rather vague (it's not like they can say 'hey! your date works for the Mafia!'). And the names were fake and from soap opera characters (not that anyone will notice).

"After reading this again, I think it looks quite shady," Chrome stated.

"Yeah, I know. But think about in this way Chrome, a normal person cannot stand our life. And certainly no normal person would take our offer into consideration," Tsuna reasoned.

Chrome hoped that would be true really, for some poor, sane person's sake.

* * *

"We are going to pretend to date some women?" Gokudera asked, finally finishing hearing his boss's idea.

"Yes."

"And gather information from them?"

"Yes."

"And we must not hurt them."

"Yes."

"We have to be on our best behavior."

"Yes?"

"Why would I do that?" Mukuro asked suddenly, looking at the brunet doubtfully,  _it's one of your crazy ideas, isn't it?_

"It does look like a silly mission, but the fate of an important information is at risk." Tsuna was blatantly spouting lies at this point. "In fact, the mission is so important that I would be willing to grant you anything just so you would do it."

"Tenth, you know me and the baseball freak don't need that to do a mission for you." True to his word, Yamamoto was nodding in agreement.

"Speak for yourself, some of us do need something." Mukuro scoffed, half glaring.

"Okay then, what do you want? Within reason of course," Tsuna said, hoping that his Mist Guardian's wish would be something peaceful.

"I want you to make it a rule not to call me a Pineapple. I had it with these new recruits! The second they meet me it's  _'oh look at his hair, it looks like a pineapple'_. I am not a freaking fruit  _dammit_!"

_That was unexpected..._

Tsuna sweat dropped. "Oh..."

"So?"

"Huh?"

"About the rule," Mukuro elaborated impatiently.

"Oh, that. Alright you got it, I'll even give you permission to handle them if they broke that rule, as long as you don't harm them too much," Tsuna answered dismissively, still not believing how easy Mukuro's request was.

Mukuro looked like someone who won the lottery. "Alright, I'll do this mission of yours."

_Three down, one to go._

And then, Tsuna turned towards Hibari, and before he even spoke a word, the other did. "You'll fight me any time any place, no excuses."

 _For the sake of escaping paperwork,_ he sighed before answering, "Okay."

Hibari just nodded in response, meaning that he should start explaining the  _mission's_  details.

 _This was so easy, it's alarming._  Tsuna thought.

Who knows, maybe lady luck has finally liked him.

_Riiiiiiight.. **.**_

* * *

Bossu gave her the job of choosing the dates' locations, preferably close to each other but not in the same place, so she did her best to do this task. She couldn't help but to smile at the idea of being an aunt, the children would be so adorable.

She installed cameras at every location the day before. In case something happened and things got really ugly, she would call her boss (she told him she could handle it if that happened, but he insisted).

Now all she has to do is to sit in a van and wait for the show to start

 _For the sake of cute little nephews_ , she reassured herself.

* * *

Gokudera didn't really think that he would do good on this mission, actually, none of them will, except maybe the baseball freak, Hibari was a battle maniac, and Mukuro was... well  _Mukuro_ , and he himself didn't have tolerance for new people, he just hoped that whoever he was meeting wasn't annoying and too cheerful, just so he could gather the information and leave in peace.

He saw a lone red headed girl and from the color she was wearing he concluded that she was his alleged date.

"Are you ' _Pinkbubblegum_ ' by any chance?" He grimaced as he asked, that nickname wasn't a good tell.

When she turned towards him he grimaced more, because the girl fucking  _bounced_  excitedly.

"Like OMG! You're Garcia?"

 _Like oh my God I want to get out of here!_  He yelled out mentally.

* * *

Sato wasn't expecting much of her date, her friends urged her to try something new since she was so boring  _(she just liked to stay home and read during the weekends, it wasn't a crime in her opinion)._ But no, she has to go all the way and date a guy she didn't know, and from the most suspicious post there was on the site her friends forced her to go to,  _why is she friends with these people again?_

Looking around her surroundings, she wondered where was her date. She was instructed to go on this particular path and wait, but there was only her and a tall guy in there ( but he couldn't be her date, he was too gorgeous and normal to come from that shady site). After several minutes of searching, she decided that he wouldn't show up and turned to leave.

Only for the gorgeous guy to stop her with his question.

"Are you  _Bookworm22_?"

_Oh hell no!_

She asked the first question that came into her mind.

"Are there cameras rolling in here?"

* * *

This place was quite, Hibari mused. No sound was heard but the waves'.

And some really annoying singing...

_"Come to me my nature friends, sing about your liiiives~!"_

What the hell?

Is this girl supposed to be his date?

_"Ohohohohohohoooooo! Live free my jungle friends! Live free~!"_

We are in a  _shore_.

_"The sun is shining the flowers..."_

Screw this, he was out of here.

"Oh, hi there! You're my date right?" As soon as she spoke, legions of small animals attacked him.

"They like you!" The girl seemed to think, but he had to disagree, they were aiming for the kill.

He would've been impressed with them if he wasn't so busy trying to get them off him.

_Where the hell did they come from?_

_And is that... Hibird?_

* * *

It wasn't a known fact for most of people, but he liked to eat at high class restaurants, their service was mostly nice.

Mukuro was about to head for his reserved table, but a hand yanking his shoulders to the opposite direction stopped him from doing that.

Startled, he looked at the one who dared to lay a finger on him, and what he saw was a weird hair dyed, pierced all over, with a tattoo of a snake which looked about to eat her whole face, madly grinning old woman.

"And here I thought I would get another drunken slob again, but I guess I hit the jackpot with you today, huh?" she stated, letting go of him.

Mukuro was in denial,  _she is not my date!_ "You must've confused me with someone else..."

"Nope," the woman said, getting way too close for his liking. "You're Rekude right? I'm ' _Snakefreak_ ' but you can call me Deathey."

"Charmed." He was everything but that.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get this party started!" she exclaimed, dragging him along with her.

_You will pay Sawada Tsunayoshi. You will pay!_

* * *

"What's with you?"

"Nothing Reborn, nothing at all."  _Why did he feel like he was going to die soon this particular moment?_

The fedora wearing hitman looked at him for a second in doubt, but then he returned to read the magazine he was holding. "Finish these stacks already, there are others waiting to be signed."

"Why are reminding me of that? I was trying my hardest to not think about it."

"Oh, before I forget, the Luchis had made several complains against us." The Luchis were an allied family to the Vongola, but still they had some problems with them, mainly because of the Varia (those crazy assassins couldn't leave that family's property alone), and because of the fact that the Varia are part of the Vongola, all the complains went to him (he tried telling Xanxus to handle his own problems... but that didn't end  _well_ ).

Sighing, he asked cautiously, "Define several."

"Over hundred documents."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

* * *

"Your vehicle has been parked here for far too long."

The voice coming from outside the van brought Chrome's attention back from her observations.  _The dates aren't going so well,_ she thought grimly.

Opening the van's black shaded windows, she saw a man with a police car behind him,  _a cop, this is not good._

"May I help you?" Chrome politely asked, seriously hoping she wouldn't be forced to leave from this post. Looking at her fellow guardians' dates, she knew something disastrous will happen if she wasn't there to stop it.

 _Wow she's so pretty!_  Officer Tougo thought, startled. "I'm afraid that I have to give you a parking ticket."

"Oh, alright then." She smiled, waiting for him to give her the ticket,  _good I'm keeping my post._

 _And nice too!_ Normally, people either would try convincing him not to give them the ticket, or simply snap at him. She did neither.

Writing some final notes on the ticket, he attempted to start a conversation. "So the weather is nice tod-" The sudden scream cut him mid sentence.

_What the hell was that?_

Eyes widening, Chrome dashed to the screens at the van's back, and what she saw there meant trouble.

"Are you alright?" the cop asked her worriedly.

"I'm fine, but I really have to leave," Chrome said, already starting the engine.

 _But I haven't even gotten your number yet!_ He wanted to say, but she was already gone.

He sighed in disappointment, _there goes my chance_. It was then when he noticed something.

_She didn't take the ticket!_

* * *

_Yamato was perfect_ , Sato sighed dreamily.

But these men in black that were following them weren't!

She swore that they held guns, and they were solely pointed at them.

It started when she got to know her date a little better. Even with his looks, he was really friendly and nice, he thought that she was a funny person when she first talked to him  _(nobody thought that she was funny, nobody!)_.

Yeah, she really liked Yamato.

But then, she started noticing some very suspicious men following them around. At first, she thought that she was too paranoid and was imagining this, but when they aimed their guns at them...

Nope, she wasn't imagining it.

"Yamato, did you notice something?" Sato asked, looking warily at the creeps.

"No, except that this games are very easy," he said cheerfully, throwing a sharp aimed ball at a bottle.  _It's not that they're easy, but it's the fact that you're freakishly skilled. The owner of the stand is practically begging you to stop playing._

A minute later, he finally stopped, giving her the football he got as a prize.

"Thank you." She beamed, momentarily forgetting about the dangerous looking people behind them.

She did, however, remember them when she heard the sound of a gunshot. And feeling heroic and with a weird battle cry, she tackled Yamato onto the ground, then saw her whole life played before her,  _wow my life was boring._

Sato closed her eyes, already embracing death.

"Uh... are you okay?" she heard Yamato asking her.

"Well, I'm dying so no, I'm not."

"Dying? Do you have a fatal illness?" He sounded really worried now,  _at least before I died, I met with a really great guy._

"I'm just glad you didn't get shot," she said, frowning,  _does it take usually this long to die?_

"Shot? What you are talking about?" Now he was just confused.

"A gunshot, the sound we heard moments ago."  _Seriously, why does it take so damn long? Hell, where's the pain?_

"You mean the fireworks?"

"Fireworks? Wait, so it wasn't a gunshot? I'm not dying...  _I'm not dying_!" She opened her eyes, only to see that she was laying on top of Yamato.

"Uh, no," he answered, smiling with confusion.

Panicked, she quickly stood up. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" she said frantically, utterly red faced.

"It's okay, no harm done." Yamoto chuckled, getting up himself.

Little did she know, Yamamoto did notice the ones that they were following them before she did, he was about to take care of them when he spotted a familiar person,  _good thing Chrome had done it for me._

"There is a baseball field in here, care to play with me?"

"Sure, no problem."

Observing from the shadows, Chrome face palmed.

* * *

_So the singing of this woman causes small animals to be brain washed, resulting in them attacking anyone on sight. They will remain loyal to her as long they can see her, and any attempt on attacking the woman will have violent reactions._

_And that's why Hibird was attacking me._ Hibari concluded, overly confident with his theory.

_I cannot harm him, so the only way I could get him is to finish this date._

_Sawada Tsunayoshi better prepare for his funeral._

"I like nature, it's so lovely and quiet and peaceful!" the woman, who goes by the name Strawberry, suddenly exclaimed.

_Easy for you to say, you're not the one who is getting attacked by animals every second._

Hibari, for once in his entire life, didn't know what to do. Should he take Hibird by force and risk hurting him? Or just run away and hope his pet would eventually break free from this woman's spell? Or attack the woman and harm the animals while at it?

"I think we should get married in the jungle, I already called the priest."

"I think you're delusional for one, there is no way I'm ever going to marry you, and for your information, Japan doesn't have jungles," Hibari noted dully.

"I'll kill him if you don't," she threatened, bringing a pocket knife close to Hibird. "I knew he was yours the moment I saw him, he's rather cute."

"You  _witch_."

* * *

"And I was like,  _let's see maybe my date is better than yours_. And I was totally right!"

"Fascinating," Gokudera muttered, bored out of his mind.

If it was anyone but the Tenth that ordered him on this mission, he would've blown their brains up. This girl,  _Cici,_  cannot stop talking. Ever since she first laid her eyes on him, she kept talking about how will they be the new hottest couple in Namimori and how her friends will envy the life out of her when they see her new  _'_ boyfriend _'_.

 _Excuse me_ , he wanted to say, _but we've known each other for ten freaking minutes!_

But of course he can't do that, he had a job to complete.

No matter how annoying it was.

"So what's your job? You might be the most gorgeous guy I ever met, but I can't go out with someone who is lower than me," she asked, totally ignoring that could have insulted him.

 _Very annoying!_ "I work at a company."

"Oh, oh! Like a secretary!"

"You could... uh, say that."

"Nice! That means you could afford my shopping!" She jumped excitedly again.

"Let's ride that roller coaster right there," he suddenly offered, that way he wouldn't have to listen to her for few minutes at least.

"Okay!" She completely agreed, and then she latched on his arm. "You see these shoes I'm wearing, they're cute right? I know they're cute, I had nail broken just so I could get it, so they have to be cute. My friends were..."

_This is going to be a long day... **.**_

When they finally reached the roller coaster, he told her to wait in line for a moment.

He went to the guy who was responsible for turning on the game, and he whispered to him, "Look, you see that girl over there." He pointed towards Cici, who was busy texting. "When we get in the first line, I want you to put her on a seat far away from me, got it?"

"No," the guy answered simply.

Gokudera then brought hundred Euros from his pocket. "And now?"

"Far at the back or the front?"

The bomber grinned. "That's the spirit."

He returned to Cici, his mood clearly brightened. It took a while and five rants about hair dye to reach to the first line. And after taking his seat, Gokudera wondered where would his unwanted date would put onto.  _Whatever, I'll see her when this ride is over_ , he sighed dejectedly.

It was then that a person took a seat next to him and hugged his arm.

_What the fu-?_

"Why did you run away from me? Do you like roller coasters that much?" Cici pouted, but he really wasn't giving her attention, for he was busy glaring murderously at a certain guy who was smirking at him. And then he pressed the switch to start the game.

"Son of a... **.** "

"Weeeeeeeeeee!" Cici screamed excitedly.

_Oh God..._

And then, the roller coaster had stopped.

"It seems we have some technical difficulties, don't panic, it will be fixed in one hour at least." The guy who Gokudera dubbed as  _'soon very dead'_  spoke over a megaphone monotonously, not sounding the slightest bit caring about it.

"We're all going to die!" Cici screamed tearfully.

And all what Gokudera was thinking was  _'I'll be stuck with this for an hour?'_

_Son of a..._

"DIE!"

* * *

For once in his damned life, Rokudo Mukuro was creeped out.

"And then I chained his tangue and pulled it, you know what happened then?"

"For the sake of my sanity, no."

"Oh, you're so cute! Anyway, his brain came out for no reason at all! And that's how I got imprisoned."

"Interesting," was all what he responded with. What he really wanted to ask is  _'Why the hell are you allowed to go on the streets again?_ '.

"So how about we finish eating quickly and go to your place?" She flashed him a knowing smirk then.

He froze, eyes wide as plates, he spilled the water he was drinking. "Excuse me?"

"You. Me. Your place. Like rabbits," she elaborated.

"Uh..."

"You'll be the M, and I'll be the S."

"Wha...?"

"Knives will be involved too."

"Excuse me for a minute, I have to talk to a  _friend_  of mine." And then he quickly dashed to the bathroom.

"Oh, and keep that fancy way you speak by, it's cute!" She called after him, causing to shiver in horror.

After checking that it was only him in the bathroom he dialed quickly on his cellphone.

_"Hello?"_

"I'll kill you and to hell with my goal!"

_"Oh hey Mukuro, how is your date?"_

"You planned this, didn't you?"

_"Planned what?"_

"Oh, stop the innocent act you know what I mean!"

_"Not really, what? Did you fall in love, should I plan the wedding now?"_

"You really want to die, don't you? That woman wants to go to my place and do it like rabbits with me with knives involved!"

_"Wow, you're fast. Go ahead, you have my blessings."_

"To hell with your blessings! You know what? I'll just stay here until the restaurant is closed."

_"So, you're going to ditch her? You'll hurt her feelings, you know?"_

"Like I give a damn! By the way, how do you want to get killed? I can be pretty creative."

 _"Well, you can at least tell her nicely that you don't want anything to do with her,"_ he suggested, completely ignoring the threat that was made on his life.

"And why the hell am I going to listen to you?"

_"I make sense for starters."_

"You gone on three dates your entire life, even the cow kid is better than you."

_"Touche, I'm a busy guy you know? But I promise it will work, just go and tell her that you aren't interested."_

"What if she snapped?"

_"You're Rokudo Mukuro, one of greatest illusionists alive, what harm will she ever do to you?"_

"You're... right."

 _"Great, now I have to hang up, someone is calling from another line. Good luck."_ And he did, leaving Mukuro to his thoughts.

 _It's alright, she is just a civilian, she can't do anything to you, even if she creeps the hell out of you._ And the moment he reached to open the door, it was suddenly opened.

_Oh dear God, NO!_

"You were kind of late, so I'm here now." Deathy smirked at him, she looked around before she spoke, "The men's room, huh? I like the way you think." She then closed the door.

Mukuro went pale with horror.

* * *

Sato was fearing for her life at this moment.

Who knew that baseball would be the death of her?

When she and Yamato arrived at the baseball field, he handed her a bat and told her where to stand. She never really followed the sport that much but she knew the basics,  _you just swing the bat when the ball reaches you and hope for the best right?_

Apparently, the answer was no.

The moment she saw Yamato's eyes becoming sharp after holding the ball, she knew that it wasn't going to end well for her.

And with terrifying speed, the ball flew right next to her, hitting someone behind. She just stood there, shaking like a leaf and holding the bat like her life depended on it.

"Oh, I think I missed it, huh? Tell the person behind you that I'm sorry okay!" Yamato called out, not sounding sorry at all.

She sent pitying looks at the man in black behind her. "He says he's sorry."

The man only muttered weakly, "My spleen..."

Yamato speaking again brought her attention back to him, "Let's see if I could make it this time." He smiled cheerfully at that.

 _God no!_ "How about we play a safe-" Too late, he already threw it.

Looks like she was lucky tonight, because the ball hit yet another man in black, who muttered, "My kidneys..."

And as the time passed, there were dozens of men in black around her,  _where the hell are they coming from?_ All whileYamato was smiled knowingly, looking like he had meant every single strike,  _but that's just absurd, he clearly had missed... right?_

Suddenly, there was someone who grabbed her and pointed a gun at her head. "Don't move! If you walked an inch, I'll blow her head off, got it?!"

"Now, now. I wouldn't advice you to do that, Shimoura," Yamato spoke calmly, as if her life wasn't on the line.

"H-how did you know...?" Shimoura asked, obviously nervous from the fact that her date knew his name.

"We have some trusted sources," Yamato replied, smiling good naturedly at him. She then felt the tight hold on her getting loosed, until it was totally gone.

"Thanks for helping me out, Chrome," Yamato said, looking at someone behind her.

"There was nothing I helped out with, Yamamoto, you beat off most of them with your lethal baseball skills." Looking behind, she saw that it was a very beautiful woman that was speaking,  _so it was all on purpose... who is Yamamoto or whatever his name is?_

"I think that we haven't seen the last of these men," the woman, Chrome, said. "Someone sent them."

"Don't worry, I'll handle it. I'll send you my report after I finish." Yamamoto waved it off.

"Are you an undercover agent?" Sato found herself asking.

The two looked at her weirdly before they smiled amusedly. "You could, somewhat, say that..."

"Well, I'll be going now." Chrome bid them goodbye and went on to her business.

"It's time for me to leave too." Yamamoto smiled apologetically. "I would deliver you home, but there are matters I need to attend. I'll send someone to pick you up."

"That's it then." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice. "Take care of yourself." She was sure being an agent was a dangerous job, she couldn't help but to be worried about him.

"I will, thank you."Smiling cheerfully, he ruffled her hair and left.

True to his word, a fancy car came to pick her up ten minutes later, and she told the driver where to head to upon entering it.

The moment she reached home, her friends started questioning. " _How was your date?""Was he a drug addict or an old man?"_

She, for once in her life talked rather heatedly about how her date went.

"You fell for him?" one of her friend concluded.

She blushed deep red at that. "Maybe..."

"Did you get his real name?"

"Only the first or the last... I think."

"Did you get his number?"

"Uh, not really."

"Did you find out where he worked?"

"No."

"Let me get this straight, you have no clue who this guy is."

"Yeah."

"And you like him very much."

"Yeah."

"And you'll probably will never see him again."

"Yes..."

A moment of silence.

"Haha! You're screwed!"

Sato twitched.

_Seriously, why was she friends with these people?_

* * *

While officer Togou was returning to the police station dragging his loss, he spotted a familliar woman walking towards a familliar van.

_Thank God! If my boss heard that I let someone off without taking a ticket, I'll be doomed!_

So he headed to the woman in hopes of delivering her the parking ticket,  _and maybe get her number while at it._

"Excuse me, miss." She turned around to face him. "I think you forgot to take this."

She seemed puzzled for a second before her face lit up in recognition. "Oh, you're that cop from before? I'm sorry, I was too much in a hurry," she said, smiling politely.

"N-No problem, as long as you take it now."  _Oh, come on! You're just being lame now!_

Something at the back of the van must've caught her attention, because she muttered, "Oh, no," and this time, before he even had a chance to say another word, she quickly hopped in the van and sped off, ticket and number still not exchanged.

"Why does she always do that?" He decided that this time, he would go after her.  _For the sake of the law, not other things._

Other parts of his mind disagreed.

* * *

"You're doing something stupid again, aren't you?" Reborn asked coolly, finally putting down the magazine he was reading on the desk.

"No, what gave you that idea?"  _How the hell does he always know?_

"It's going to end badly, you know? The ones before hadn't succeed, it's an unavoidable fate."

 _Was he referring to the previous Vongola bosses? Well that was highly depressing._ Before he defended himself, his phone ringing loudly cut him off.

"Hello?" Hearing the person on the line reply, Tsuna recognized him. "Oh hey Mukuro, how is your date?"

His student was definitely doing something absurd again, Reborn thought amusedly, sipping on his espresso. He was finally going through the phase all the other bosses had gone through many decades ago. The [ _'I'll escape my blasted paperwork by any means necessary]_  phase. Many bosses had tried, none of them had made it. Should he tell him how they had failed? ...Nah, he was curious about what ideas his student will think of.

Besides, he was really bored.

 _So this plan will not work with Mukuro this night_ , Tsuna sighed, before switching to the other line that was calling him.

"Hello?"

 _"Sawada Tsunayoshi, you'll be dead soon,"_ was the person's response upon speaking.

Tsuna sighed more,  _you too_. "Good evening, Hibari."

Que for his cloud guardian to curse and snap the hell out of him, he even had to get the phone away from his ears.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you just said."

 _"I will enjoy murdering you,"_ he finally said.

"Good luck," Tsuna replied good naturedly.

He hung up.

"Can I ask you a question, Reborn?"

"Shoot."

"If I died due to some unfortunate  _accident_ , who will be the boss?"

* * *

They were latin chanting, he was sure of it.

The woman still had the brain washed Hibird in her grip, not once missing to point out that if he didn't marry her, she would kill him. His call to his soon would be dead boss didn't help with anything, too.

Why in the world did she choose him anyway? He was clearly  _not_  a marriage material.

Hibari needed to find a solution and fast, he noticed that the priest had totally ignored him and asked the woman immediately, "You want this man to be your husband? To be the sacrifice for the sake of withholding nature?"

_This is way too screwed up, both of them were obviously insane._

"Yes," she answered quickly.

"Then I can happil-" The priest suddenly stopped, and he and the woman fell on the floor. And then, he saw the mist girl walking calmly towards him, muttering something about getting a vacation.

Hibari didn't pay her much attention as he quickly freed Hibird from that woman's clutches. The mist girl gestured for him to get in the van that was parked near by. And as soon as he along with his pet got into it, she drove it with an illegal speed.

"I need to get to some place fast, I would go for it sooner, but you were the closest one to me," she reasoned, as if sensing that he was annoyed at the fact that she was driving at this speed in his Namimori.

He nodded in understanding and let it slide, after all she helped him getting out of a big mess.

After a few of silence, she asked.

"Were you... getting married?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

"I still didn't wear that Prada outfit! I'm too young to die!"

"Oh for the love of God,  _shut up_! You're the only one who is screaming her lungs out, the other people with us are quiet! This thing just stopped, nothing else!" Gokudera snapped, deciding that he had it with her screaming for half an hour long.

Thankfully, she stopped, the other passengers cheered. But much to their dismay, she started crying again. "My boyfriend is sooo meeeeean!"

_Someone, anyone, shoot me..._

He was suddenly engulfed with pink smoke.

And when it cleared out, the ten years younger Tenth, baseball freak and Lambo were in front of him, looking at him with surprised expressions.

"H-Hi." The Tenth was the first to break the silence, the baseball freak just looked at him curiously.

Gokudera then did something he never thought he would.

He lift Lambo up...

And  _hugged_  him.

"Oh, you lovable annoying cow! Thank you very much!"

_What the hell?_

"Tsunaaaa! Lambo is scared!" the five year old exclaimed, utterly horrified.

 _We can't really blame him_ , Tsuna and Yamamoto thought in one. Seeing their friend who got annoyed at the mere sight of Lambo, now hugging him in the same way Bianchi did to Reborn, was something unbelievable.  _Does that mean that the two get along in the future?_

The cow suit wearing child became quiet when the ten years older Gokudera gave him some candies he brought from his pocket.

"I like this Bakadera better!" he suddenly declared, _he really is easy to please._

"How is everyone in the future?" Yamamoto decided to ask.

The older Gokudera looked thoughtful for a minute. "Everyone is fine and well, things are relatively peaceful for now."

"That's nice to hear." Tsuna sighed in relief.

"Although, Tenth, you shouldn't send us on missions that involves dating," he added.

Before Tsuna questioned him about what he had meant, the pink smoke came again and cleared revealing this timeline's Gokudera, muttering darkly, "Prade will go to hell, I promise it..."

He then noticed Lambo, who was sitting comfortably on his lap.

"Why the hell are  _you_  sitting here?!"

"Tsunaaa! Bring back the nice Bakadera!"

"Calm down you guys."

Tsuna only sighed.

* * *

When Gokudera returned to his timeline, he was greeted by the sounds of loud screams. He noticed that he was out of the roller coaster, with his date nowhere in sight.

His younger self apparently didn't take her too well and blown something up, hence the screaming people.

_He really should buy Lambo a gift._

He noticed a familiar looking guy running past him, the guy he had earlier dubbed him as  _'soon very dead'_.

_But first he had some matters to attend._

And so Gokudera walked towards the guy, grinning gleefully among the screaming people.

* * *

When she and Hibari got to the restaurant Mukuro was at, she immediately hurried to the men's room. Hibari, finding nothing better to do, followed her suit. And before she even reached the door, he kicked it open, a signal that she should hurry up and finish. He didn't even ask her about what did she want from that place.

Chrome let out a shocked gasp when she entered.

Curious, Hibari looked at what shocked her.

And he laughed like crazy.

* * *

 _Screw dignity!_  Mukuro decided.

This woman was creepy as hell and over his dead rotten body that she would lay a finger on him.

And so she began chasing him around the fancy bathroom, being too horrified, he completely forgot that he could easily kill this woman.

"You and I will have a wonderful time, I'll even let you be my toy forever!"  _Now this person, Vindice, you need to lock up, not me._

When he got distracted for a second, she grabbed his legs and held them in a death grip.

He let out a held back scream then.

It was then that the door was kicked out, and Chrome stepped in.

He was never grateful for a person like he was right now.

And then the last person he wanted to see entered also. And as expected, he laughed loudly.

_Dammit!_

_Now he'll never hear the end of it from him._

"Who are you?" Deathy asked, which got Chrome to wake up from her shocked state.

"No one you need to know." And cue to Deathy passing out.

Soon, the three walked out of the restaurant, Mukuro straightening his clothes, Chrome sighing, and Hibari still laughing.

Mukuro was really ready to kill someone.

"You shouldn't laugh at him like that, you were forced to get married earlier," Chrome defended her fellow mist guardian.

Hibari stopped laughing then, while Mukuro lit up. "Really now? I didn't expect for you to get married so soon, tell me more about it." He was absolutely ecstatic that he had something against him.

"I don't want to talk about it," Hibari responded, averting his eyes.

The sounds of explosives coming from the van Chrome drove cut them off. "Oh, come  _on_ ," she muttered.

The two stepped closer and saw her looking at screens, one of them showed a younger Storm Guardian blowing things up, a sight that she responded to by face palming. They also saw that there were screens showing the shore and the restaurant they were at moments ago.

"What's the meaning of this?" Hibari asked, sending death glares at her.

"Come to think of it, how exactly did you know  _when_  and  _where_  our date missions will be, dear Chrome?" Mukuro added darkly.

 _Oh, God! I forgot that they were with me._ "I... uh... took a wild guess?"  _Why, oh why does she have to be a horrible liar?_

"Chrome." More death glares and silent threats were sent at her.

 _I'm sorry, boss._ She then told them about the plan and her  _very small_ part in it.

It didn't matter though, because they were totally ready to murder her that moment, but a police car stopping next to them took their attention away from her.

"Miss, I'm sorry but I have to arrest you for several charges, you have to get someone to bail you out," the police guy from before said, he looked at Hibari and Mukuro, curious. "Do you two know her? If you do, please follow me to the police station."

And in a once in a life time miracle, they both spoke in one, "No, we don't."

So the police man took Chrome away, who looked at them with a look that said:  _You traitors!_

There was only Mukuro and Hibari left on the side walk.

"How about we kill a certain boss of ours?"

"Good idea."

* * *

Tsuna felt a shiver down his spine.

 _Something bad will happen soon_ , his intuition warned.

Then the phone rang, and picking it up, he wondered who was calling him this time. "Hello?"

_"Bossu, I might need a little help."_

"Chrome? What's wrong?"

_"I've been... uh... arrested."_

"What?"

_"I've been arrested."_

"Why?"

_"Because of some violations of parking and speed limits."_

"Oh, then I'll send you someone to bail you out shortly."

 _"Thank you boss."_ He heard her sigh in relief.

"Don't mention it, we're all family... Say, what happened on the dates tonight?"

_"Well, Yamamoto's was going on smoothly until a local Yakuza gang interfered, he's currently dealing with them this moment. The ten years younger Gokudera blew up some major parts of the amusement park. Hibari was almost forced to marry an animal brain washing woman. And Mukuro's date was life scarring."_

_I'm dead._

_"And Bossu..."_

"Yes?"

_"Mukuro and Hibari now know about your plan, I'm sorry."_

A moment of silence.

"Is Russia nice this time of year?"

_"Yes, I think so."_

"Good."

_"I'm sorry again, boss."_

"Don't worry about it Chrome, I understand," he finally said, hanging up the phone.

_So Yamamoto is handling a yakuza gang, Gokudera had blown up some amusement park, which means more paperwork for me. Not to mention that Mukuro and Hibari are currently on their way to skin me alive._

_Lovely._

"Told you, none of them had made it," Reborn stated monotonously.

"Time for plan B then." He decided that before he travels to Russia, he'll do something first.

He dialed on his phone and waited for the other person to pick up.

"Hello, Lussuria? Yes, It's me. Say, are you interested in a Varia wedding?"


	5. Avoid by Time Traveling?

  _Remembering the old days_  


_Some forms I fill_

_Where I quickly raised in ranks_

_With my deduction and skill_

_Challenges I win_

_Enemies I kill_

_It was a blast, I thought_

_But that was until_

_I became a boss_

_Signing bill after bill_

_And trying to burn my paperwork_

_With my dying will_

_**Vongola Quinto.** _

* * *

After a week of hiding, Tsuna thought that it would be safe to get out of the basement. He couldn't go to Russia because Gokudera insisted that it would be too dangerous to be there alone.

_"But being here is even more dangerous!"_ He tried to explain, but his right hand man didn't listen to him.

To make the matters worse, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Lambo, and Chrome  _(Aka: The people who weren't after his blood)_  had gone on solo missions. The five were able to hide him from his would-be killers but with them gone, he was doomed.

_He was suspecting that it was Reborn who arranged that._

Hence hiding in the basement. It was abandoned, unused, and filled with bats  _(Years ago he would've been scared shitless of them but now they were his best friends!)_. So they really wouldn't look for him here.

Now cautiously looking out for something meant to stab him, he stepped out of the basement.

Only to be greeted by an  _'I'll rip your spinal cord'_  glaring Mukuro, a recently polished tonfa raising Hibari, a royally pissed off Xanxus, a  _'Let's kill him now!_ ' roaring Squalo, an already knife throwing Belphegor, a murderous aura oozing Mammon, a beaten up to a bloody pulp Lussuria, a smiling  _Fran_? and...

"Wait, I thought that you already got engaged. Why are you trying to kill me then?" Tsuna asked.

"Oh, I did," Levi sighed dreamily at that."you're invited to the wedding by the way."

"Then why are you with them?" Tsuna asked again, returning Levi from his LaLa land.

"Boss wants to grill you like a steak, so we also have to want to grill you as well."

"Seems legit." He nodded; then he turned to the still smiling Fran. "And why the hell are you smiling?"

"Vongola, you're my new hero; the looks they had on their faces were priceless," the normally monotone illusionist said while smiling gleefully, offering to show him some pictures later if he was still alive.

_It has to be something hilarious if it managed to make Fran of all people smile,_  Tsuna mused.

A hand strangling him awoke him from his thoughts. "Trash, you got some serious nerves to do what you did."

"Oh, hey, Xanxus, fancy meeting you here," he replied, coughing. It only made the grip on his throat tighten even more.

"Any ideas as to how would you like to murder him?" Mukuro asked the blood thirsty mafia men. It was astonishing how they turned from hating each other's guts to working and cooperating together like true comrades.

Tsuna would've been proud if it wasn't for the fact that they became that way only to kill him.

"Let's cut his head off!" Squalo was the first to suggest.

"Let's stab him like no tomorrow." Belphegor followed suit.

"Let's rip off his body parts and sell them," Mammon added helpfully.

"Let's burn him," Hibari said, too happy about it.

"Let's kill him," Levi exclaimed, unoriginal.

"Let's celebrate his awesomeness," Fran replied, causing for his fellow Varia members to beat him up.

"Let's shoot him like hell." Xanxus smirked, his grip on him still tight.

"Let's do all of that," Mukuro offered finally.

"As much as I'm fascinated with your utter creativeness, I have the best solution that would make us all happy," Tsuna replied, coughing with every word he said.

And then he, miraculously, managed to get free and bolted away.

.

.

"GET HIM!"

_Oh dear god I'm going to die!_  He thought while running the hell out of there. After running for a while, he finally got on a quiet hallway, and just as he was about to sigh in relief, he was confronted by them.

"Not so fast, trash."

_Think of something! Think of something! Think of something!_  And before they jumped to kill him, he quickly managed to say. "I'll die happy now, you know?"

They stopped. _Good!_

"Voooi! What the hell are you talking about?"

"Knowing that the Vongola and the Varia can work so well together, it's just warms my heart," he shrugged.

"We're not working together!" All of them denied.

"Don't be ashamed to admit it, it's just like when we were having the war against the Millefiore.  _'We, the Vongola, are always one_.' Huh, Xanxus?"

"YOU FUC-"

"And the last battle against Byakuran? From the things Mukuro and Hibari had told me, you all worked wonderfully together. I really regret not being there, but now I can see it with my own eyes."

"I did NOT tell him anything!" Both, oddly, defended as one.

And just as he expected, the weapons that were previously aimed at him were now aimed at each other, creating a chaotic battle field.

"Don't mind me, I'll leave you to your business," he mumbled, gleefully stepping back before he proceed to run.

It was after exactly twelve minutes that they caught up to him.

"Well, it was good while it lasted," he sighed, embracing his very gruesome fate.

And then, there was a poof.

In front of them was a ten years younger version of the man they wanted to kill.

"I did my math homework!" He loudly yelled out; he then noticed them.

"...Hello...?"

_That bastard!_  They thought as one.

* * *

__**(Ten years in the past)** _ _

_So..._

_...Am I dead yet?_

_If I am, then death must be really painless._

He opened his eyes only to see that he was in his old room.

_I must've been hit with the bazooka,_  he mused.

But if he was; that means he's not dead and wasn't killed viciously.

He began dancing.

_Extra five minutes of life! Extra five minutes of life! Extra five minutes of life!_

"What are you doing?" The voice made him stop dancing and look behind him.

He saw Reborn, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Haru, and Lambo all looking at him (except Reborn of course) with shock.

_I totally embarrassed_ _myself_ , he thought grimly.

"Future...Tenth?"Gokudera asked hesitantly.

"Wow, you really grew taller!" Yamamoto noted cheerfully, which made Tsuna almost dance in joy again. For someone who was short most of his life, the comment made him really happy.

Beaming, he greeted them."Hello, everyone."

"Old-man Tsuna!" Lambo stated excitedly; he knew him very well, all due to the five year old's many trips to the future. And the two got along pretty nicely.

_I'm not that old though...Right?_

Totally ignoring Lambo, Reborn spoke. "I have to say that this is the first time we had ever seen your future self."

At that, Tsuna scratched his head sheepishly. "It is. What happened?"

"The stupid cow wanted to try the recently modified bazooka on someone. We were doing some math homework when he decided that he should try it on the Tenth, not that you aren't the Tenth because you are!... I'm deeply sorry!" Gokudera tried to explain.

"It's okay, Gokudera, I understand," he assured, smiling at the other's antics. The Gokudera from his timeline didn't act like that anymore.

"Are you...?" The half question turned his attention away to Haru.

"Oh, hi there."

"Haru's daydreams were right! Older Tsuna is  _smoking_!" She suddenly exclaimed, all while staring at him dazedly  _'My future husband~!_ '

"Err...Thanks?"

"So you became the Vongola boss, huh?" Reborn pondered, sending a smug smirk at him.

_You made sure of it!_  He wanted to defend, but then he realized something about his tutor.

"You're tiny."

_A gun was loaded._

"Want to repeat that again?"

Oddly, he thought that his one year old tutor's threatening face was somewhat... cute. "It's just that I didn't see you like that in a while," he smiled awkwardly at that.

Reborn merely raised an eyebrow.

"Where I come from, you don't need to look up to me anymore." And as expected, the other quickly got the meaning of his words, but before he could reply, Yamamoto pointed something out.

"Hasn't it been more than five minutes?" Everyone noticed then that he, indeed, was in this timeline for more than the usual period.

It was a fact that got the Vongola boss grinning.

_Oh, this is just wonderful!_

"Well, it looks like whatever modification that was made to the bazooka would make me stay here a little longer."

Reborn noticed the suspicious lack of worrying from his student's statement.

"So what are we going to do now, Tenth?" Gokudera asked.

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to go out until I return to my time." It was high time that he would finally see something other than his room or office.

They all nodded, agreeing with his suggestion.

* * *

Five minutes later, he was walking away from his house. Haru, Gokudera, and Yamamoto would've gone with him, but Reborn assigned them to call for Giannini about the malfunction with the bazooka.

"Why are you going with me?" he asked the infant who was sitting on his shoulder.

"I told you I was cool looking, didn't I?" His tutor asked, completely disregarding his question.

"It's the exact same thing you've told me when I first saw your adult form. Including the  _full-of-himself_  tone." That earned him a punch.

"You still have a lot to learn," the small hitman said, not sounding angry but more like amused.

_"Oh, don't they just look adorable!"_ one of the female passer by cooed at them.

_"Let's say hi!"_ her friend suggested, causing their group to agree immediately.

"Your son is so cute!" They exclaimed excitedly.

Tsuna smiled in amusement at that. "Why thank you, _my son_  is indeed cute." Reborn sent a look that said,  _'What the hell do you think you're doing?'_. A look he responded to by whispering,  _"Just go along with it."_

"He looks just like you," another one added, which was a lie for he and Reborn looked nothing alike.

But he just smiled politely. "I wouldn't say that; he actually looks like his dear mother."

"Oh..." The disappointment was obvious in their voices. "Where is she? We would like to meet her."

"She's dead," Reborn said flatly, deciding to play along.

"T-that's terrible! We're truly sorry for bringing that up."

"Don't be, I killed her," the demonic tutor smirked.

Their shocked face was a sight to behold. They quickly excused themselves and ran as fast as they could from the two of them.

"You know, that wasn't what I've been aiming for," Tsuna muttered, frowning.

"Your son?"

"I'll shut up now."

They strolled the streets in silence for a while after that.

Reborn was surprised about his student's behavior. He was the same, yet he was different. He seems more confident (a thing he was very pleased with) and looks like he didn't get frightened that easily anymore either.

_He has grown._

And although he was in a one year old's body, the fatherly pride that swelled in his heart told much about the adult within.

"Tell my older self that he's doing a good job."

"In what?"

"Nothing you need to know." It was an answer that got Tsuna pouting.

"You are running away from something in your timeline, aren't you? What did you do?" The nervous smile his student gave him spoke many levels about what he had done.

"Nothing; why are you always suspecting m-?" A familiar chirp cut him off.

In front of them was Hibari beating up some poor souls.

_Ah, the memories._

"Hibari," Reborn started, getting the prefect's attention to them. The other turned towards them, letting one of the poor souls fall on the ground with a thud.

"The baby," he noted. He then saw Tsuna and looked at Reborn for explanation.

"This is the ten years older Tsuna."

"Hi!" He waved cheerfully at him, which got the teen confused.

_So he doesn't run away from me on sight, huh?_

"Are you strong?" He decided to ask, curious as to how powerful he had grown.

_Some people never change_."Nope, I-" He dodged the suddenly striking Hibari in a blink and took his tonfas.

"That wasn't very nice," he noted, examining the tonfas and twisting the younger's arm to stop him from attacking.

"I'll defeat you," Hibari declared, which got Reborn smirking and Tsuna frowning.

"Look, I'm not here for a fight, I finally got a day off without me getting almost killed. So how about we stop fighting and have a conversation like the adults I'm sure we are?"

"No."

The Vongola boss sighed; he knew that until his younger cloud guardian defeat him, he won't give up. He sent a pleading look towards his tutor to help him get out of this mess, but the infant just ignored him (He forgot that Reborn was still a jerk in this era...Well all the time really).

He sighed some more; no more peace and quiet.

This cannot get any worse.

"My, this is not something we see every day."

Apparently, it could.

There he was, Rokudo Mukuro, smiling gleefully at his enemy's demise.

_I will not live this down,_  Hibari thought grimly, glaring murderously at Tsuna, who just blinked innocently as if he wasn't currently twisting his arm in a rather (not that he would admit it) painful matter.

"The older Vongola, huh?" Mukuro noted in his polite way, but what he really was saying was,  _'What the hell are you doing here?'._ "You must be pretty strong if you managed to do that to the bird. Not that he was that strong to begin with." He smiled, completely enjoying the whole situation.

It was then that Tsuna had an idea and let go of Hibari, who immediately rushed to attack Mukuro.

The two soon started to try to kill each other. Now, normally, he would've stopped them, but the serious lack of a life outside his house made him slightly evil.

But before he could even think of stepping back and running away, the familiar roars got him cursing.

_The freaking Varia was here._

_There is no way all of these people went her-_

_._

_._

_._

"Reborn."

"You figured it out. Good, that means you've improved."

But Tsuna heard none of it. His eyes narrowed. "When?"

He saw that Reborn, conveniently, was sleeping.

He had the sudden urge to snap that little neck of his, but he controlled himself.

"Hello, Varia." He offered them his  _-trust me with your life-_  smile. Not that it worked with them.

"So the Arcobaleno was right," Belphegor said, confirming Tsuna's suspicious that this whole mess was orchestrated by Reborn.

Squalo was grinning madly at that."I haven't gotten a good fight for a while!"

"Let's see what kind of a future the Vongola has with you leading it." Xanxus smirked, already aiming his guns at him.

_You just want an excuse to have me killed!_

And so the Varia charged, the situation was almost like the one he had gotten out from earlier, minus his mist and cloud guardians. They were still, thankfully, attempting to murder each other.

"Hibari, Mukuro. How about you fight with this Tsuna instead of each other? He's not going to be here after a while so make most of it," Reborn sadistically suggested. Not taking a nap, Tsuna noted hatefully.

"Fair enough."

"Fine by me."

He really, _really_ , hated Reborn right now.

* * *

_**(Ten years in the future)** _

He was certain.

His older self seriously had something against him.

How the hell did even got into this mess?

_"...Hello...?" he asked, not sure what to say really._   _He was so sure that he wouldn't see any of these people again._

_At least not until ten years later._

_He wouldn't say it, but they looked kinda... conflicted..._

_**I wonder why.** _

_"He's not him. Well, not yet. Shall we wait or what?" Mukuro asked, looking at him in thought._

_"Killing this 'him'_ _won't be enough, I say we wait for the bastard to return," Squalo suggested._

_"I completely agree." Tsuna nodded enthusiastically, not that his opinion mattered for he was the victim._

_Ignoring him wholeheartedly, Xanxus started shooting him. "He's the same to me."_

_**Don't talk so causally while you're trying to kill someone!** _ _Tsuna yelled out mentally, fighting for his life._

_And much to his horror, the others followed his lead._

_"Well he does have the same name."_

_**I'm so freaking dead.** _

* * *

Yeah, that.

He was currently hiding in, what appeared to be, the dining room, under the tall table.

"Come out, little Vongola, I only want to play a game with you," Belphegor said cheerfully, twirling a knife.

_A game in which I die horribly; I'd rather stay under this table thank you very much!_

Tsuna held his breath as he saw the other's legs walking around the dining room, when suddenly...

He stopped.

_Please don't let him see me! Please don't let him see me! Please don't let him see m-_

"Ushishishi, found you." He smiled at him in a way that promised death.

_Oh god NO!_

The door slammed opened. Bel looked at the one who entered to see that it was Squalo. "Vooooi! Did you find him yet?"

"Why yes I di-"

The kid was nowhere in sight.

"Well?" Squalo asked impatiently, seeing the other just looking under the table and not moving a muscle.

A knife was thrown at his direction. And then the younger male laughed madly.

"I'll kill him!" And he got out of the room.

Squalo stared.

.

.

.

"The hell?"

* * *

_Where should I go?_  Tsuna franticly asked himself, looking for a place to hide.

"Where is that brat?"

"He's near, Boss."

_Which door? Which freaking door?_

Xanxus and whoever that person was (he/she reminded him of Mamon oddly) were very close to finding him.

Picking a door at random, he hurriedly entered and sighed with relief as he heard the two's voices getting further.

Looking around, he concluded that this must be a library.

"Hello." The voice made him jump in fright, ready to flee.

When he turned, he saw that it was a familiar looking guy.

_Where have I seen him before?_

Then it clicked. The representative battle...

"You..."

"Me?" The fedora wearing man smiled amusedly.

"You're the one from the representative battles right?"

_He still hasn't found out, huh? "_ Yes, I am."

"Oh." His ten years younger student looked thoughtful for a second. "So are you from the future? Because that would explain why you were fighting for a short time."

Deciding to get along with it, he answered, "Yes."

Sometimes, Tsuna was really slow.

_I wonder when he will find out._

* * *

_*Six years ago*_

_"You!" The eighteen year old Tsuna exclaimed loudly upon seeing his adult form._

_"Told you I was cool looking, didn't I?"_

_Tsuna chuckled. "Whatever you say; you didn't change muc-" His eyes widened in realization._

_"Please tell me you're not going to cosplay like this!"_

_Reborn twitched._

* * *

_Not soon, I guess._

Before another word was spoken, the doors slammed open revealing Levi, who happily exclaimed upon seeing Tsuna. "There you are! Boss would be so happy that I've found you that he'll accept to be my best man at my wedding!"

_What in the world...?_

_Xanxus..._

_Best man..._

_...Wedding?_

_He'll shoot everyone!_

But Levi didn't seem to think that, as he grabbed him and carried him out of the library.

He sent a look that said 'Help me!' to the fedora wearing man, but he just smirked and bid him goodbye.

_This guy..._

_He and Reborn must be related._

* * *

He didn't want to start a fight so he just settled for reasoning with the Varia's lightning guardian.

"Xanxus won't accept your invitation anyway, Levi. And even if he did he'll shoot your wife the moment she starts complaining about her dress."

He was failing.

"I mean it; one word and no wifey for you."

Nope, still not working.

"Heck, in the reception party he'll be like,  _'Who the hell is Levi? And where the hell is my Tequila?_ '. In short, very bad idea," Tsuna trailed off, extremely happy that the Varia boss wasn't here to see his (rather decent) impression of him.

But the brutish looking man continued to ignore him.

Tsuna sighed.

"Will you at least give me a proper funeral?"

"We'll try, but no guarantees."

"Alright, and mind telling me what did my future self did to you guys?"

"He-" And with no warning ahead, Levi found himself flying across the hallway.

At that moment, his intuition had told to run, and run like hell!

Yeah, tell that to the trident that was stabbed on the floor  _very_  close to him.

Because Hibari and Mukuro were behind him, looking like they would murder him on the spot.

Which they would probably do right now.

_Goodbye sweet life..._

_...Wait._

_I take that back._

"H-hello...Again..." was his intelligent reply.

"The mere sight of your face makes me want to kill you," was Hibari's response.

"Uh...That's nice...Y-you two are working together," he noted.

"As they say  _'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'_ ," Mukuro replied. "Not that I would call this person my friend," he added distastefully.

"I would rather die."

"I'm truly devastated," the illusionist mocked.

_Okay, maybe if I reasoned with them they'll let me go, after all nothing is truly my fault_. "I-I want to live," was his awesome start.

The two weren't amused.

"I mean it's my older self that had wronged you, right? Why don't you wait for him to return, and I doubt that you'll be happy with killing me only." Totally ignoring the fact that his future self was still him, he continued.  _O_ _ne thing at a time._

They looked thoughtful. _Good!_

"Whatever my future self had done could be a misunderstanding..."

And now he ruined it.

The two's faces paled.

"That inhuman being, a creature born from an eternal nightmare..." Mukuro mumbled, looking very much scarred for life.

All while Hibari looked utterly helpless. "I was forced to mar- Don't think about it..."

Question marks danced the salsa on top of Tsuna's head.

_Run. Like. Hell._

After a second, he did.

_Not that it'll help him though._

"Shall we proceed to kill him?"

"After you."

"Why thank you."

_Not one bit._

* * *

Why is it that every time he goes to the future, he's almost always gets killed?

I mean, Lambo does it all the time and he's always well.

_Math seemed like a favorite pass time at this moment_ , Tsuna thought, panting heavily from all the running he did.

He was now behind a wide pillar that hid him from Hibari and Mukuro's sight, but it wouldn't be too long until they find out where he was. It really looked like a scene from a horror movie where the characters hide from their killers before they got ruthlessly killed.

_Okay, this is my Will issue #101: My hundred yens will go to Mom. My room will go to I-pin. My PS2 will go to Lambo and Fuuta. My could-be sci-fi manga will go to Gokudera, while the ones with sport related themes will go to Yamamoto._

He nodded approvingly at his choices when he suddenly hit a spot on the pillar he was leaning on. And before he knew it he was in some kind of a secret passage.

He noticed that he was somewhere different, with no killers in sight.

_That pillar..._

_...It saved me._

_._

_._

_I'm sorry, Kyoko, but I think I'm going to marry it._

"Nice to meet you, young Vongola boss guy," a voice greeted dully, alarming him that he wasn't the only one in this place. Taking a look to find out who this person was, he found out that it was the ten years older Fran.

"Fran, is it?"

The other nodded, and just sat there looking at him curiously.

"...So Fran, uh, are you going to kill me?" Tsuna asked carefully, noticing the lack of murderous intent from the other.

"No, why would I do that? Especially to the person who made  _that_  happen."

"What do you mean by  _that_?"

Fran then began to tell him about what happened.

After the other finished explaining, Tsuna understood the reason as to why they wanted him killed.

_Is my older self, I don't know, INSANE?_

"So you're telling me that my older self along with Lussuria managed miraculously to arrange dates for the  _Varia_?"

"Yup."

"And that Squalo's date turned out to be a guy that mistaken him for a girl and was saying ridiculous crap like  _'My fair maiden, what beautiful hair you have'_ ; Belphegor's date was with a paranoid woman who thought that his crown (tiara) was after her; Mamon's date kept shouting at him/her. And on top of all that, Xanxus's date was an over the top motherly woman who was convinced that all he needed was some love and proceeded to hug the life out of him?"

"Hilarious, isn't it?"

"And before all of that, he arranged dates for Yamamoto, Gokudera, Mukuro, and Hibari?"

"Yes."

"And that Hibari's date almost forced him to marry her, while Mukuro's made him run away like a headless chicken?"

"It's glorious I know."

"It's official," Tsuna mumbled, "I've became suicidal."

"An awesome one at that."

Wanting to change the subject of his eventual demise, he asked him, "So, what about you and Levi?"

"Oh, him," Fran snorted, "He and his date hit it off well. Too well if you ask me. They are going to marry soon. And my date just slapped me and stormed out angrily the moment I spoke," he shrugged, like it was nothing new to him.

"What did you tell her?" Now Tsuna wasn't an expert on dating, for the reason he was quite the failure at it, but even he knew that some things are not to be said to people.

"Nothing, just,  _'I congratulate you for choosing the most ugliest shirt I've ever laid my eyes on, and believe me when I say I saw many ugly shirts'_. There is nothing wrong in it, right?"

_I don't blame her_. "Yes," Tsuna answered, because he didn't want the risk of someone else after his blood.

It was then when a bullet went exactly before his eyes.

_HOLY SHIT!_

And then some explosions revealing the, as Fran called them,  _'The Vongola boss hunt squad'_ , much to his dismay.

"There is nowhere to run, brat."

Fran sent a sympathetic look at him and said, "It's ironic that the boss of the Vongola was killed by his own family." Before he was beaten up by Bel and Squalo. Just because.

Tsuna decided that he wouldn't let Fran say anything at his funeral.

And so he prepared himself to die.

Only for a pink smoke to appear.

When the smoke cleared off, there was a figure sitting in front of them.

"I'm finally out of that mess, damn Reborn," the now older Tsuna grumbled.

He took a look around to see Fran's unconscious body on the floor, and that's when a sudden feeling of approaching doom came to him.

"The bastard has returned!" Squalo cheered.

"Let's kill him," Hibari suggested.

He felt a gun that was aimed on his head.

And a knife.

And a sword.

And a trident.

And a tonfa.

And a... tentacle?

Also an umbrella.

He gulped.

And so while he was getting the beating of a lifetime and beyond, Tsuna asked himself the same question he was asking himself ever since the demonic being known as 'Reborn' stepped on his door step.

"Why me?"

* * *

_**(Ten years in the past)** _

There were many skills he learned from the years he was a mafia boss.

One of them was to lie through your teeth.

Usually he was a very bad liar; he couldn't even fool a baby (Okay, maybe that was a bad example).

But when he really tried, he was a creative liar.

A  _very_  creative liar.

He felt a little faint a moment ago, probably meaning that his time on this timeline is almost done. And if he wanted to leave in one piece, he has to buy more time.

And so before he was attacked, he blurted out.

"Xanxus became a life coach in my timeline!"

They stopped.

"What?" Was all what the scarred man managed to say.

"The reason as to why I was sent here is to warn you of your horrible fate."

"What?" Xanxus repeated, still not believing what he just heard.

"We, in the future, are facing an enemy far beyond our understanding. He made many of our men mad." Even Reborn was now looking at him with confusion.

Sighing sadly, he continued, "And unfortunately, he got you." He pointed out to Levi. "Take him for example, the enemy made him betray the Varia."

Levi was horrified to say the least. "I-I would never!"

Tsuna pointed out to Squalo next. "He made him the Varia boss."

The long haired swordsman gaped, and the frowned. "It's not that ba-" He received a glare, "- It's the most horrible fate I've ever imagined!"

"He made Mammon give all his/her money to charity."

"Oh dear god!" The infant gasped.

"What about me?" Bel decided to ask.

Tsuna looked grim. "He made you work at Disneyland."

"Uhishishishi...What the hell?"

"And Hibari..." The perfect snapped his head in attention upon hearing his name.

"I should congratulate you, for you are happily married..."

_Why would I even marry? It's not lik-_

"...To Lussaria..."

_WHAT THE FUCK?!_

Before Mukuro even start laughing, Tsuna spoke.

"Mukuro."

"What?"

"You sell pineapples."

He just stared at him with horror.

"And that's why we must win now before tomorrow, we must clean this world-" That's when a poof was heard, and the younger Tsuna appeared.

"Haha! I'm alive!" He cheered.

For some reason, all of them wanted to beat the life out of him.

Screams filled the streets.

_My older self really, really, hates me._

* * *

Later, when he woke up to the land of the living, Tsuna thought hatefully about himself.

_Reborn said that I became highly amusing, but there is no way I'll grow up to be like that. There must be something wrong with that era!_

He remembered then that he has to give an essay tomorrow or else he'll fail this year.

Thinking of the big amount of pages he'll have to write...

He chose to play Tetris.

* * *

_**(Ten years in the future)** _

Reborn sighed.

"You never learn, don't you?" he said to the all over bandaged Tsuna. He really looked like a mummy now.

"Hahaha, you bastard! _ **-Ow-**_  they reall  _ **-Ow-**_  did  _ **-Ow-**_ a number on me," he replied, "Oh, and your past self is saying that you're doing a good jo  _ **-Ow**_."

Hearing that, the hitman smiled. "Glad I did."

"So in what-"

"Nothing you need to know."

"Oh come on, you have to tell me!"

Ignoring him as usual, Reborn smirked. "Tsuna."

The moment the younger of the two saw that smirk, he quickly replied. "No."

"The mansion got some damage from the incident earlier."

"This is not happening..."

"And the repair bills just arrived."

"Please no..."

"Being the boss you have to sign it."

"NO!"

Seriously.

_Why me?_

* * *

**~Omake~**

A twenty something young man with a striking resemblance to him suddenly appeared in his office.

The said young man looked at him with a half glare.

"I don't know if I should curse you or pity you."

He looked thoughtful for a minute before he sighed in defeat. "Good luck with your paperwork, you'll need it." And then he disappeared.

Giotto blinked.

_Okay, this is the last time I'll go out drinking with Lampo._


	6. Avoid by Inventing.

_I may not look intimidating._

_I may look like a banker._

_I may look harmless._

_But to remind you, my dear Guardians..._

_I'm a bloody Mafia boss and **I can hurt you**!_

_Please think about that before destroying something you shouldn't._

_These bills won't sign themselves, you know?_

  
_**Vongola Sesto**_.

* * *

 

There were lightning strikes, the place was dark.

Suddenly...

An evil laugh was heard.

Followed by an ominous declaration.

"It's alive!"

Followed by a coughing fit.

Shouichi and Spanner sweatdropped. "Uh, Giannini, cut it out man."

Turning on the lights, the shorter man pouted. "You two are no fun."

They were currently putting the finishing touches to their latest project. It was simple enough; but the programming was quite delicate, so there were some worries.

"So," Shouichi started. "Does it look good enough? It's the first time we made something like this."

Checking out the final programming, Spanner replied, "It looks fine. Vongola will be happy with it."

"I certainly hope so." Shouichi sighed, feeling uneasy. It was the first time ever that Tsuna asked them to do something for him, so he really didn't want to disappoint him. He remembered when their boss requested that favor.

* * *

**One month ago…**

_"So can you build something like that?" a mummy-like Decimo asked, still lying on the hospital bed. What he asked for was a robot which could sign with the exact same signature as him, and also can do paper work very quickly._

_"Of course. All we need is a copy of your signature and we're set," Shouichi said; it wasn't that hard of a request really._

_"Good." The smile that was on the Tsuna's face was odd, but Shouichi didn't think much of it. "Please hurry up with it, and good luck."_

_The red head wasn't sure, but he could've sworn he heard a cackle when he got out of the room._

* * *

"This is Pink," the three introduced, revealing the covered figure. "We took the liberty and made Pink look like a true secretary. She can answer the phone and take messages without any problems. Paperwork would be finished in no time due to her up to billion papers sorting ability. We'll also hand you this controller that will tell if any updates had occurred to her so you would have an easier time dealing with her. And top all of that, she makes the most delicious coffee."

Tsuna was ecstatic to say the least. "Thank you very much!" He hugged the three from the sheer happiness he felt that moment.

"It was no problem." They smiled.

_Hopefully there will be no glitches._

* * *

Shouichi, Spanner, Giannini all left after they gave him the instructions to start the robot. They told him that since he was the one who owned it, he should do that task.

Pink just stared at him for a while after he started her. He had to admit, for a robot she was rather pretty. Like her name, she had pink hair and eyes, but it fitted her in strange way.

"Uh, hello," he began, not sure how to approach the still staring Pink.

"Hello," she replied, beaming.

"I'm Sawada Tsunayoshi, nice to meet you." He smiled and offered her a hand shake.

She took his hand and shook it with all she had (He might have a dislocated shoulder case after that.) "And I'm Pink, how may I be at service?"

At that, Tsuna felt that it was the time to state what he wanted from her. "Can you sign these papers for me?" The moment he finished the question, Pink immediately went to his desk and, much to his disbelief, finished the paperwork in five minutes.

"It's done, Master."  _Master?_  "Do you need anything else?" she asked, stepping in front of him.

Tsuna just stood there, blinking.

After ten minutes of complete silence, Tsuna stepped forward and hugged the life out of Pink.  _He was kinda feeling huggy today_.

"I. Love. You!" he exclaimed, kissing her cheeks. "I could marry you even!"

And as he was dancing in joy (No one was around to see, thankfully), he didn't take a moment and notice that robots weren't suppose to blush and have heart shapes in their eyes while looking at their owner.

* * *

_Life was good_. Tsuna thought, totally relaxing on the couch near his office's door.

It has been two days since he received Pink, and the lovely robot was working wonderfully as ever. Usually, he wasn't one to praise himself but he had to say, he was a genius for thinking of this idea. He just wished he thought of it sooner.

But oddly enough, everyone suspected Pink of something- even Reborn who, after looking at her for the first time, said that the way she looks at him is disturbing. He shrugged it off; they were just overly paranoid.

It was then that the head maid Mia, entered. "Decimo, dinner is ready."

"Alright, thank you." He stood up, fixing himself. It has been a long time since he saw her (She took a vacation three months ago) so he found himself bound to ask, "How is your son by the way?"

That question made Mia speak excitedly about her son's accomplishments and how he finished high school at the top of his class. It was for his sake that she agreed to work for a Mafia family after all. She was stern most of the time and didn't talk much, but one question about her Rico and she'll burst into a bubble of motherly pride, Tsuna found it rather adorable really.

She, nor Tsuna, noticed the death glares Pink was sending to her.

* * *

Mia was writing tomorrow's duties when she heard a sound of footsteps.

Strange, she thought, she was all alone in the main kitchen and no one was supposed to be here.

Just when she was about to turn to take a look at whoever entered on this late hour, the kitchen's lights turned off/

"Who's there?" Mia asked with a hint of panic.

No one answered.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed her from behind.

Mia screamed.

* * *

_I'm thirsty._  Tsuna thought groggily, yawning as he headed to the kitchen (They have the  _most fantastic_  water cooler there). He was at the kitchen's doorstep when Mia suddenly appeared while dancing...  _the Samba?_

She beamed when she finally noticed him. "Oh hi, Tsu Tsu! Want to dance with me?"  
There were a lot of things that went wrong on this scene:

1\. Mia was a stern no-nonsense fifty year old woman; she doesn't beam or smile.  
2\. She doesn't dance.  
3\. Especially not the Samba.  
4\. Finally, she never, ever calls him by his name, let alone nicknames.

So yeah.

What the hell?

"Are yo-" He wasn't able to finish his question because Mia decided kick him.

Easily managing to dodge every strike, Tsuna asked again, "Mia, what's the matter with you?" But the head maid didn't answer and just kept attacking. It was when she aimed a table at him that he thought that he should run away from there.

_Fast_ , he added, cringing when he heard her giggles as she chased him.

When he reached his office, he quickly closed the door and sighed in relief.

A second later, he was pinned to a wall.

Looking at who did that, he saw that it was Pink. "What are you doing?"

She just offered him a disturbingly sweet smile. "Pink loves you too."

"Huh?" was all what he managed to say.

"We will marry one another. I'll get rid of anyone that comes across that goal. The old woman had it coming," she declared, eyes betraying a hint of maddness.  _Are robots supposed to think like that?_

"Mia... you did that to her?" The mad grin the robot had was the answer he needed.

_Okay that's it, I'll shut her down._  As much as he was sad to get rid of her (Paperwork gone in five minutes people!), he couldn't afford to have a crazy robot who made people crazy as well.

Freeing himself from her grasp, he dashed towards the controller that was in drawer of his desk and immediately pressed the 'Off' button, but the robot was still slowly walking to his direction. The controller screen had: _'Error, glitch in the programming: OOC. Warning: If this error had occurred, do not stay in one meter radius of the robot for longer than three minutes. Major personality change will happen if you did.'_  flashing on it.

So that's why Mia acted like that.

_Well shit; I need to get the away from here fast!_

Taking the controller along with him, he managed to get out of the office, with Pink shouting: "You cannot run away, my love~!"

Only to be met by a sad looking Ryohei.

"Ryohei, we need to run away from here!" Tsuna tried to drag him away but the boxer wouldn't budge.

"We're all going to die so what's the point?" Ryohei sighed sadly, looking thoroughly depressed.

"You're scaring me," Tsuna said, backing away ever so slightly.

"No need to be afraid of death, it's a relief from this messed up life."

"Are you drunk?"

"Drunk? No, I just hate life."

"..."

And then Ryohei decided to kick him, too.

He heard a beep sound coming from the controller while he was dodging Ryohei's kicks, which were more challenging than Mia's. When he managed to get away from him, he looked at the controller and saw that there was something new written on its screen.

_'OOC virus can be transmitted by the act of kicking, so be careful~!'_

So it's a virus now?

And also, what virus transmits through kicks? Make it decent at the very least, dammit!

"My life is over; I don't want to live on this planet anymore!" Ryohei cried out.

_And now I'm starting to feel depressed!_  Tsuna mentally panicked, running from the Sun Guardian's ramblings as he chased him.  _Is it a new trend to chase me or something?_

Then, without warning, Ryohei stopped talking.

He turned just in time see him fall on the floor with a thud, and to see that there was a black clothed figure behind him.

The figure spoke coolly, "Are you alright there, son?"

When he recognized who was speaking, Tsuna had a lot of questions on his mind, but only one came out. "Lambo, why are you carrying a baseball bat?"

"A weapon, son, a weapon," he stated wisely.

"Why are you... Do you feel a sudden urge to kick me?"

Lambo looked thoughtful at that. "Now that I think about it, yeah, I kinda do."

"..."

"..."

"Should I start running away?"

"You should."

_Life..._

_...was not that good, actually..._

* * *

_So... I think I'm just going to run around the mansion the whole night, huh?_

The virus was working splendidly; for the fact that the entire working staff was after him, with Ryohei (He woke up after two minutes) and Lambo being in the front-lines.

There was a reason for the chasing, Tsuna learned.

According to the weird controller (Last time he checked, it was spewing out musical notes), after the person is infected, he or she begins to act out of character and start chasing the non-infected people to  _get them infected_. In addition, the infected are all under Pink's control.

It was at that moment that a hand grabbed his own and was currently dragging him to a room, cutting off his train of thoughts along with that.

"Oh shit, I'm going to sing crappy love songs soon..." Tsuna said in utter surrender.

"Tenth! I'm glad you didn't get weird!" Looking at the speaker, he was overjoyed when saw that it was Gokudera, who thankfully wasn't one of them.

_Finally a sane person!_

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The new voice made him realize that there were other people in the room as well. It was him, Gokudera, Chrome, Hibari, and Mukuro. _Yay, more sane people - although some are total sociopaths!_

"Do you know what's happening?" It was Mukuro who asked that.

Before he managed to answer, the room's wall was blasted away.

"Embrace death!" Ryohei said, announcing his presence.

Gokudera looked at him, not amused. "Seriously, an Emo? Him?"

_At least it's only Ryohei for now,_  Tsuna thought.

As if cue, Lambo appeared, along with the staff members, looking cool as ice.

"Glad we found you all; let's finish this." He aimed a bazooka at them to prove his point.

"Seriously, cool?  _Him_?"

"I'll explain later, now let's run away from here!" Tsuna urged. He began his sprinting, and the others soon followed his lead.

"You better tell us what's going on here soon, because I'm not letting Hibird act like an Elvis any longer," Hibari threatened, glaring daggers into Tsuna's head. But then, Ryohei managed to catch up to them and kick Chrome while at it, much to their horror (well, except Hibari). The infected stopped, checking if they had a new member in their gang.

"C-Chrome..."

At that, the female Mist Guardian stood up, blinked, looked at what she was wearing (which was a simple black pajamas), and frowned in distaste. "What the hell kind of crap I'm wearing? Someone here better give me something pink!"

"Dear God..." Mukuro gasped. "She's really gone!" Although he would deny it, Mukuro and Chrome grown up to be very close; they kind of shared the same opinion on colors (Pink was a big 'No No' in the Mist Guardians' dictionary for some reason); so Tsuna understood Mukuro's horror.

Hibari, having enough of this, grabbed the three of them (since Chrome was now infected) and ran away. It was impressive really.

The controller beeped again then.

_'To cure the infected, you must shut down Pink first. During this error you cannot shut down her with the controller (That means me, hehe XD). You have to go to the original programmer for that. Peace!_ '

"Now you're telling me this!" That controller is becoming more absurd by the second. "We need to get to the lab," Tsuna announced.

"Your pajamas are so out of season, Boss," Chrome cheerfully noted while chasing them.

_I already miss the old Chrome..._

* * *

So there they were - four people who didn't get along - in an elevator.

_This is going to end badly..._

And then, the lights turned off and the elevator stopped.

Correction, a  _broken_  elevator.

"Great, now I'm trapped with freaks, except the Tenth of course."

"Do I look like someone who's enjoying this? I hate every single one of you."

"I thought you've grown to like us."

"Like hell!"

"If this thing keeps being broken, I'll have to kill you."

"Who exactly?"

"All of you."

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy..."

"Who the hell sang that?"

"It wasn't me, I  _swear_."

"I'll murder myself if I did."

"Gokudera...?"

"What?"

"Did you sing?"

"Awesome song right, Tsuna?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What? By the way, did the stupid cow try to kick any of you?"

"..."

"He tried on me, but I managed to block it. I feel weird though."

"..."

"I suggest that we should kill him."

"I agree with the pineapple head."

"I don't appreciate that name; I suggest we kill the bird, too."

"No one is killing anybody here, maybe Gokudera felt like singing a random song, right?"

"I can be your hero baby~!"

"Gokudera."

"Yes?"

"Not helping."

"Look, Vongola, this guy is slowly becoming one of them. We should get rid of him before that happens."

"By killing him? Are you insane?"

"Your point being?"

The lights, turning on again, cut his answer off.

Opening the elevator's door, Gokudera stepped out.

Tsuna looked at him confusedly. "Where are you going? We still didn't get to the lab."  
"I better get out before I start singing Justin Bieber's songs. It's all for the best, Tenth," the right hand said, looking awfully tired as he struggled with the virus.

"Bu-"

"Go." Gokudera finalized, a determinate look on his eyes.

Respecting his friend's wish, Tsuna vowed. "I'll fix this, I swe-" Only to be stopped by the elevator's door closing.

He glared at the two behind him. "What the hell was that for? I was giving a promise."

"You were taking too much time," was Hibari's response.

"And it was overly melodramatic," Mukuro added helpfully.

"You two are cold hearted bastards, you know that?" Seeing that there was no point to argue with them, he kept being quiet. And after a few moments the elevator had stopped.

"Did anyone of you press this floor's button?" Mukuro asked, frowning.

"No," Tsuna and Hibari replied, frowning themselves.

When the doors opened, they saw a person beating the hell out of an infected gang far off.

Thinking that anybody who was defending himself from the out of character behaving people was their ally, the trio (not a true one, but it'll manage) stepped out of the elevator and looked more closely only to find out that it was Yamamoto.

Tsuna beamed at that. "Hey Yama-" He was about to go to him before Hibari and Mukuro stopped him. He looked at them in confusion as to why they didthat.

"You shouldn't trust him so easily," they reasoned.

At that moment, the trio (right...) heard Yamamoto...  _cackling?_  "Come on here, you sons of bitches! Let me murder you all!"

A moment of silence.

A moment of utter disbelief.

And finally, a moment of panic.

"Go back to the elevator!" Tsuna told the two.

But much to their complete horror, the doors were closed, and the elevator was somehow at the top floor, which was currently  _very_  distant from where they were now.

Tsuna just kept frantically pressing the buttons as Mukuro noted, almost fearfully. "Uh, Vongola, your friend is just standing there."

"Which means that any minute now, he'll turn around and make us all into hipsters."

Tsuna looked away from the elevator to note, "I'm surprised you even know what that means, Hibari."

"Shut up."

True to Hibari's prediction, Yamamoto noticed them immediately. "Well, well what do we have here?"

"Shit, shit, shit!" Tsuna mumbled; he really didn't want to become a hipster. Yamamoto walked slowly before he dashed with great speed towards them. "Run, run, run!"

Feeling a little dead inside, the three ran like hell from the Rain Guardian, showing total disregard of dignity.

* * *

"I only wanted to sleep peacefully, you know? But what do I get? Some sort of zombie doomsday but without zombies. Something that made Chrome into a pink-loving fashionista, the cow brat into a cool western action hero, the loud guy into an emo, the Storm Guardian into something I do not want to think of, and the Rain Guardian into a sadistic bastard."

"And Hibird into Elvis," Hibari added.

"And his stupid bird into Elvis. After all of that, you're telling me that one kick can make me act like them?" Mukuro continued ranting, receiving a glare from Hibari.

"Basically, yes," Tsuna answered with a sigh.

"Can we at least attack them?"

"Absolutely not." Mukuro and Hibari usually wouldn't give a damn about the other's opinion, but something told them that if they tried to attack anyone, they would have to pass by Tsuna first, and they both knew how that will turn out. There was a reason why he was the boss after all.

Running away from Yamamoto (who proved to be very terrifying), they headed towards another elevator that will lead them to the lab. But upon reaching to their destination, they were surprised to find a group of the infected chilling in front of it.

So, having no other choice, they hid in a room near the said elevator, waiting until they leave.

And that's when the awkward silence began.

They just kept sitting there, not uttering a word.

And after twenty minutes of complete silence, Tsuna thought that he should start a conversation. "So... anything new with your lives?"

The two looked at him with looks that said:  _'Are you kidding me?'_.

"Come on, don't be like that. It's not like we have anything else to do here."

Nope, still no response.

"You really have nothing to say? Are your lives that empty?"

They glared at him.

"It's sad really; your youth is wasted on you."

"I think Vongola has finally became mad," Mukuro stated dully.

Hibari nodded in total agreement.

Ignoring them, Tsuna continued rambling, "I received a new car the other day; it was a gift from Dino; I told him every time not to bother himself but he insisted."

"What kind?" Mukuro asked; he wasn't doing anything now so might as well ask.

The brunet looked thoughtful for a second before answering, "It's a Ferrari. It's so pretty that I'm almost afraid to drive it."

"He has good taste," the illusionist noted, making Hibari snort in mocking. "You have a different opinion, Bird?"

"Italian cars are too overrated," Hibari replied, eyes twitching when he heard the nickname.

"I would pick an Italian car over a Japanese one, what with your Hondas and Toyotas, they're totally boring."

"At least the Japanese can drive."

"I have you know that the Italians are good drivers, they're just not into safety that much."

"So that explains why they drive around like lunatics on crack."

"Your people aren't that better as well. They're so slow that a sick, old woman can pass by them."

"Your people  _run over_  a sick, old woman."

"You have to face it, Birdy. Your cars are small, boring, as interesting as a wall dish-washers that only safety obsessed office workers drive."

"Your cars are gigantic pieces of trash that only pizza loving freaks drive it."

"Don't. Diss. The pizza."

Seeing that there's no point in arguing with him, Mukuro suggested. "Why don't we ask the Vongola? The one he chooses is the best."

Hibari agreed, smirking because the brunette was Japanese after all. "Which one is better?"

"Huh? What?" Tsuna asked, confused about what the two were talking about. He was too busy playing Tetris on his cell phone (He got a new high-score.) than to listen to their argument.

"Which cars are better? Japanese or Italian ones?" they asked again with a hint of murderous intent, warning him to choose wisely.

Tsuna knew that choosing either will have terrible consequences, so he improvised. "American...?"

They gave him the  _'Are you fucking kidding with me now?'_  look again. "What?"

"I was right, the Vongola did become mad. American cars? What a joke." Mukuro sneered at him.

_I feel oddly...offended._

"I'd rather die before getting one of those things. What is wrong with you?" All while Hibari looked utterly disgusted with him.

_Why is Hibari lecturing me?_

And much to Tsuna's unbelieving eyes, the two actually  _bonded_  over their hate for American cars.

_Okay it's over, we're doomed. The earth will explode now._

_Any minute now..._

Suddenly, Hibari stopped talking and his eyes slowly widened like he realized something horrible. "I'm talking to you."

Mukuro raised an eyebrow at that. "Obviously."

"I'm talking to  _you_." The statement made the other's eyes widen too.

"Dear God..."

"I know."

_It's a shame really_ , Tsuna thought,  _it would have been the start of a beautiful friendship_. Not that he would voice that out loud of course. He would like have his head above his neck thank you very much.

Hibari then stood up and headed to the door, and seeing their questioning looks, he answered, "I'll see if they had left or not. The more I stay with you, the more I lose my sanity."

"But what if they didn't leave?" Tsuna argued, not sure about the other's decision.

"Go ahead, be one of them, make my day," Mukuro shrugged, not giving a damn.

Not listening to either of them and noticing that the coast was clear, Hibari opened the door and stepped out of the room, very happy to get away from them.

Only for Yamamoto to kick, who saw Tsuna and Mukuro after he did his kick successfully through the slightly opened door, and had the two looking at him with utter horror.

And that was their cue to run like hell.

OOC Yamamoto was very, very,  _very_  frightening.

* * *

"If that birdy bastard didn't open the door, the other bastard wouldn't have known where we were, and this wouldn't have happened to us."

By  _'this'_  Mukuro meant the fact that a group of the infected surrounded them from all directions.

"This isn't good..." Tsuna mumbled, cautiously looking out for an upcoming kick.

The group suddenly tensed in alert, and hurriedly left as if they were summoned, leaving them thoroughly confused.

And that's when Hibari stepped in front of them, all baggy dressed with black shades covering his eyes.

"Wusup, homies!"

Tsuna and Mukuro stared at him for a while.

Before they burst out laughing.

"Oh my God! I'm going to die happy now! Where's my camera? This is priceless!" Mukuro fell on the floor from laughing fit he got.

Tsuna was more subtle as he stood there trying his hardest not to laugh. "Ah... that is highly unexpected, Hibari..." He then caved in and laughed his heart out.

Hibari looked confused but he shrugged it off, deciding to kick them instead, taking advantage of the fact that they were distracted at that moment.

They barely managed to stop laughing and dodge his kicks before they ran away again. Mukuro frowned in irritation at that. "You know something?"

"What?"

"I'm sick of this chasing."

"Do you want to be like him?"

Mukuro looked at Hibari, who was behind them singing some random rap. "No."

"Then shut up."

The illusionist's eyes widened before he chuckled softly. "You've got some nerve, Vongola."

Tsuna just smiled in return.

* * *

The elevator was in front of them at last, they were about to enter it when they heard a familiar noise.

And when they slowly turned, they saw all of the infected approaching them.

_Well shit,_  the two thought.

"Look, you wait for the elevator and I'll handle them," Tsuna urged, stepping bravely (or foolishly) in front of the kick-giving people.

_Ha! You're on your own now, Vongola._  Mukuro smirked as the elevator's doors opened, but before he could get inside, Tsuna suddenly grabbed him and made him step away from it.

"What the hell?" Mukuro inquired.  _Did he see through my plan?_

"After you handle that guy," Tsuna answered, pointing towards an infected guard who was inside the elevator.

_What do you know? He actually saved me._

_And that means that I owe him now._

Mukuro sighed, standing back to back with the brunet.

_Damn it._

Tsuna was about to ask why he was standing there but he was stopped by the shouting of Pink, who was walking through the infected like a leader.

"Master, we meet again!" the robot exclaimed.

"Yeah," Tsuna replied, looking very unhappy with this meeting.

"Why do you refuse my love?" she asked, the tone of her voice carrying unhidden sadness.

"Oh, this is is a day that keeps on giving," Mukuro mocked. "Your robot fell in love with you; way to work with ladies." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at him.

"I'll reduce your paycheck to half," Tsuna vowed.

"You always say that but you never do."

"You asked for me in the first place," Pink said almost pleadingly, and gesturing toward all of the infected, she continued, "I did this for you; I made them like that just so they could bring you back to me, but you just kept running away..."

And now Tsuna felt terribly guilty. He was about to apologize when Mukuro suddenly exclaimed, "Wait, wait, wait. All of this was your fault?"

The Vongola boss averted his eyes; he found the ceiling to be very fascinating right now.

"All of this madness, all of this chasing and hiding was because you had a crazy robot which was in love with you? And here I thought you were decent."

The window, too, looked very interesting.

Mukuro looked as though he would commit a homicide (which he would probably do very soon) as he hissed, venom dripping from every word, "You accursed Mafi-"

Before he got kicked, by Hibari no less, who had done some sort of twisting and a peace sign.

"Your face has no swag," was his excuse.

And that means that Tsuna was all alone now.

_Hahahahaha..._

_...Shit._

He was doomed.

But then, Tsuna saw that the elevator was still open, and doing some flips to avoid the crowding of the infected, he managed to get in it.

_Thank God!_  He mentally cheered as the doors closed.

A slight tab on his shoulder awoke him from his joy and made him jump with a shrill scream, and then looked behind him with a familiar feeling of dread to see that it was the newly infected Mukuro.  _How the hell did he get here?_

The other just stared.

_So, how he'll turn out?_  Tsuna pondered.  _An evil overlord villain? Wait, that's not too far from the truth. A serial killer? No. An evil overlord serial killer villain? What does that mean?_

"Hello," Mukuro said. He was smiling - not smirking -  _smiling_ , an actual freaking smile.

It was horrifying.

"Hello," Tsuna replied, smiling like someone who just had a stroke.

"Would you mind telling me where the bathroom is after the elevator reaches downstairs?" the Mist Guardian asked nicely, and Tsuna could swear that he could see unicorns and rainbows and everything fluffy in the world flowing around him.

He was starting to think that an evil overlord serial killer villain Mukuro was a better option than this "Uh, yeah sure, just don't kick me."

The other chuckled (with no 'kufufufu' whatsoever.) "Why would I do that? You're a really funny guy."

"People say that often."  _In situations I'm not trying to be funny in_.

"I feel that we could be best of friends," Mukuro stated, smiling politely.

At that, Tsuna had enough. "Listen to me and listen to me well. You're Rokudo Mukuro, an ex-convict, the Mist Guardian of the Vongola for a very good reason. Everyone that knows about you is scared shitless. You tried to kill me when we first met. You don't like me; you don't like all of us; you don't like the world. You enjoy messing with people's minds, and you're kinda psychotic."

Mukuro just pouted. "I don't sound very nice."

"That's the point," Tsuna replied sagely.

"I'll kick you."

"That's the spiri... Wait, what?" He only got to dodge it when the doors opened and he hurriedly stepped out.

But after two minutes of running, he realized he didn't know the place very well (being that it was recently built) as the infected (who came out of nowhere) chased him.

And so he ran away aimlessly again, while Pink and her army relentlessly chased after him.

_And I still didn't drink any water..._

* * *

Reborn was peacefully examining some newly made guns in the huge, quiet lab. It was kind of late but he was bored and he couldn't sleep so headed down here. And after spending nearly two hours here, he thought that he could use some espresso.

Just when he opened the door, he saw his student running hastily - and that there were many people after him, including his Guardians.

"Life is too cheap to live for!"

"No point in running away, son; just give up before we  _really_  get angry."

"Your pajamas are a heinous crime towards fashion."

"So get out, get out, get out of my head. And fall into my arms instead~!"

"I'll kill you first, and then I'll kill all of these bastards."

"Yo man, stop running; it's not cool, bro!"

"What a troubled soul, we need to fix him."

.

.

Reborn just closed the door and pretended that he didn't see anything.

_Told him that robot was suspicious._

* * *

Shouichi and Spanner were quietly playing Battlefield in a room the farthest side of the lab. They offered Giannini to play with them earlier, but he declined and said that he needed some sleep. The two were content with the silence they were in, but the room's door slamming open interrupted the said quietness.

"Thank God I found you!" the one who entered exclaimed, and upon looking more closely, they found out that it was Tsuna.

Tsuna then began ranting. "The robot...insane...samba...emo...cool...I'm scarred for life...chase...OOC...not zombies...sadistic...rap...I don't know what that was...nice...lame pajamas!"

"Wait, wait! Calm down, Tsunayoshi; I didn't understand anything you just said!" Shouichi replied.

"Leave it to me," Spanner assured, "I speak gibberish." And pointing at Tsuna, he started, "What he's saying is that he stole a cookie from the jar and the insane samba dancing cookie fairy with the lame pajamas is now chasing after him being all emo and cool and sadistic and nice, right?"

Shouichi and Tsuna stared at him.

"What?" the mechanic asked.

"Are you high?" Tsuna asked him in return, waking up from his panicked state.

"Anyway, what did you want, Tsunayoshi? It sounded urgent," Shouichi reminded, and without any delays, Tsuna explained everything to them.

"I'm terribly sorry for that. I'll fix this immediately!" Shouichi said upon hearing what happened this night (if only this had a reception, he would've turned that robot off long time ago), before he went to his computer hurriedly. And after thirty seconds, he told Tsuna that he and Spanner finished shutting Pink's system down, and that all of the infected were going back to normal.

"That's it?" Tsuna asked in disbelief,  _there wasn't going to be an epic final battle with bombs and such?_

"Yeah." The two nodded in affirmative.

At that, Tsuna began laughing uncontrollably, much to Shouichi and Spanner's confusion.

_At least everything is over now_ , he thought.

The controller, that was still in his possession, beeped at that moment.

_'All of the infected will recall whatever thing that had happened to them upon recovery. So if you were the reason all of this had started, you better start running now because there is bound to be someone that will try to murder you._

_See you sweet pie! ;D'_

Tsuna just stared at it.

And then began slamming his head to the nearest wall.


	7. Avoid by Racing: Part One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be in three parts, some sections will have more or less with each one of them. I thought it would be easier to understand since this chapter is pretty much filled with characters (what was I thinking?!)

 

_I heard someone saying how he wants to be in my place and be the famed Vongola boss._

_I just snorted._

_Let the fool dream._

**_Vongola Settimo._ **

* * *

****

It has been a month and a half since the robot accident, and Tsuna was annoyed as hell.

_Is it me, or did these stacks of paper became a lot more than it used to be?_

It was probably because his family became more bill-making than before, as if they knew he would suffer from the damages the most.

_Nah, they wouldn't do that... would they?_

It was at that moment that Hibari entered his office, a truck-load of paperwork following suit.

"What are these?" Tsuna asked, greatly fearing the answer.

"It seems that they don't take destroying bridges well in the US." Hibari shrugged.

"All of these are bills?"

"Yes," he answered dully, and then went to the door. "Enjoy," he noted, finally leaving, and Tsuna could swear that the smirk he had was absolutely diabolic.

_They're doing this on purpose!_

And looking at the stacks of paper he has to sign, he sighed.

_This has to stop._

But before he started scheming for another plan, Reborn came strolling like he owned the place.

_This will not end well._  "Hello, Reborn. Is something wrong?"

Reborn just smirked. "No, I'm just here to remind you that today is the  _'Once-Every-Fifty-Years Vongola Style Race'_."

"Once every what Vongola style what?"

"It's a traditional race the Vongola bosses had to get through every fifty years," Reborn explained. "I already arranged for everything and I expect you to be at the Main Gate 6 PM sharp."

Tsuna raised his hands in protest. "Wait wait wait! Who said I'm going to participate in this? As far as I can tell, this is one of your crazy schemes."

"The winner can demand or get whatever he or she wants. No questions asked."

Without the slightest hesitation: "I'm in," Tsuna said, looking utterly serious.

"I knew you would." Reborn smirked.

* * *

It was when he saw the Varia and his Guardians along with Dino, Shouichi, and Spanner waiting at the Main Gate that Tsuna felt that agreeing with Reborn's plans probably wasn't a good idea.

"Welcome to the Race," Reborn started, getting their attention by speaking with a megaphone. "Now that your numbers are complete, let me start explaining the essential details.

"There are six cars waiting for you in the garage. Each car will have three passengers. One drives, one navigates, and the last one shoots. The race will have three stages; each stage will give clues that will lead you to the next one." Reborn then pointed towards a box that was on the floor. "Draw a paper from that box. Your teammates are the ones that have the same colored paper. I'll hand out the tasks afterward."

After ten minutes, everyone knew which team they were in, along with their tasks.

Tsuna thought that the teams were utterly, totally, and impossibly random.

Mammon, Spanner, and Lussuria were a weird team but it could work.

But Hibari, Ryohei, and Lambo? Shoichi, Chrome, and Xanxus? Bel, Dino, and Fran? Mukuro, Squalo, and Levi?

What the hell?

He was sure a big part of the city would be destroyed tonight.

_At least I have Gokudera and Yamamoto as my teammates..._

Sighing dejectedly, he noticed that Reborn was smirking as he spoke, "As you all know, the team that wins this race will get whatever they want. Well, whatever they want from the losers anyway – whether being their slaves for eternity or a chance to murder them." Many eyes looked evilly at Tsuna at that point.  _Okay, my life is in danger._ "Although those are only suggestions.

"You'll find an envelop on your car's driver's seat that has instructions to the first stage of the Race; that's all. I'll inform you of any other rules when the time comes." The fedora-wearing hitman finalized, signaling for them to start.

_They'll do anything you want if you win, Tsuna. You won't have to suffer anymore,_ he kept telling himself, trying his hardest not to think about what will happen if he  _didn't_  win.

_I better have the hospital prepare a room for me_ , he thought grimly.

* * *

The teams and their tasks (the team's names are kindly done by Bianchi):

**1\. Explosive Baseball Tunas**

Tsuna - Shooting

Yamamoto - Driving

Gokudera - Navigating

**2\. Mohawk Illusioned Wrenches**

Mammon - Driving

Spanner - Shooting

Lussuria - Navigating

**3\. Whips and Knife Armed Frogs**

Bel - Shooting

Dino - Navigating

Fran - Driving

**4\. Sunny Shocking Tonfas**

Hibari - Shooting

Lambo - Navigating

Ryohei - Driving

**5\. Striking Pineapple Sharks**

Mukuro - Shooting

Squalo - Navigating

Levi - Driving

**6\. Angry Misty Glasses**

Xanxus - Shooting

Shouichi - Navigating

Chrome - Driving

* * *

 

**Explosive Baseball Tunas**

* * *

" _'Go to the Chinese restaurant'_. Okay, we get that, but which one?" Tsuna asked, reading the envelope that was in the car.

"There are twenty-nine Chinese restaurants in this city, but the instructions specify one in particular. It says 'the', which means that the name of the restaurant in question starts with  _the_ , a rare thing in naming restaurants with that theme," Gokudera reasoned, frowning when he couldn't remember visiting a restaurant that was named like that.

"Maybe it was somewhere one of us visited before," Yamamoto suggested.

At that, Tsuna snapped in realization. "I-Pin once told me that she went to a restaurant named ' _The Drangon's Strom'_. Maybe that's it!"

It was then that Tsuna realized that they weren't they only ones in the area. And looking around, he saw the smirks that told him it was too late.

"You heard him – let's get going." All of the contestants were already out of the garage by then.

Tsuna stared.

"Did they just take our idea?"

The moment he finished asking the question, he found himself dragged into the car.

"Start the engine, baseball idiot. We're going to win this," Gokudera ordered.

Yamamoto had this gleam on his eyes like when he plays baseball. "Alright!"

Yup, this night definitely isn't going to end well.

* * *

It seemed that Gokudera was suitable to be the navigator...

...In the navy.

"Turn forty-seven degrees to the north-east, then take the fourth left after ten kilometers. The guy we just asked the directions from said that the restaurant is near the 65th street."

Yamamoto, being a normal person, asked, "What?"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" The silver haired man huffed irritably. "I said go to th-"

"How about we just follow that delivery van?" Tsuna suggested, pointing towards a van that had the name of the restaurant they desired.

Their car turned with great speed and proceeded to follow after the van. They were running on circles at first; the van they were following was on delivery duty after all. They figured that it would return to the restaurant eventually, so they waited. But it was getting really boring just tracking after that van for half an hour.

"What the hell is taking him so long to deliver?" Gokudera asked irritably after the long minutes of silence.

"Maybe the people he's delivering food to are looking for the money to pay up," Yamamoto reasoned good-naturedly.

The loud sounds of ongoing argument brought their attention toward the house the delivery van stopped at. And much to their dismay, the argument didn't end.

The air-con in their car decided to bust that moment, leaving them alone on a very hot summer night. Ties were loosened, and top buttons and windows were opened in an effort to ease the heat to no avail.

An hour had passed when Gokudera spoke, "Tenth."

"Yes?"

"Can I bomb them?"

"No, it's not nice. And where's Yamamoto?"

They both looked around to see that their friend was out of the car and heading towards the arguing people, saying, "Now, now. There's no need to fight all this time."

The owner of the house and the delivery guy looked at him, puzzled as to who he was. And after five minutes had passed, Yamamoto returned to Tsuna and Gokudera with a huge grin on his face. And starting the car, he explained, "The old man living in that house had a debt to the restaurant the delivery guy was working at. The two were arguing because the old man didn't have the money and the delivery guy was insisting to get the money or else he'll get fired."

"So?" Tsuna asked, waiting for him to continue.

"I paid the guy's debt and told the other guy to not deliver anything else and to head straight to the restaurant," Yamamoto said with goofy grin, making the other two grin happily as well.

"Great job, Yamamoto!"

* * *

After fifteen minutes of driving, they finally managed to get to the restaurant.

"I just hope that we're not in the last place," Tsuna mused worriedly, entering the place along with his two friends. But before they even started to look around for their objective, a familiar voice greeted them from behind.

"Welcome to my humble domain."

They were surprised to say the least. "Fon? You own this place?"

"Yes," the former Storm Arcobaleno answered. "Oh, and you're in the third place by the way, congratulations." With that, Fon brought out two envelopes from his sleeve and handed them to Tsuna.

Opening the first one, Tsuna grew confused. "Wait. This is a bill."

"Yes." Fon nodded, looking very much amused. "It tells you the amount of money you have to pay."

Tsuna, however, didn't find anything funny in the seven digits that were written on the bill. "I know what a bill is, Fon. Why are you giving it to me?"

"It's for this restaurant," Fon replied sagely.

Tsuna sighed deeply. "Fon, we talked about this before. Stop leaving your bills for me to pay."

"It'll be the last time, promise." The other smiled assuringly.

_You told me the same thing two years ago,_  Tsuna wanted to say, but he left it unspoken.

Nodding a bit unwillingly in acceptance, Tsuna bid the former Arcobaleno goodbye and left along with Gokudera and Yamamoto (who were too busy trying out some meals), with Fon waving for them while looking irritatingly pleased.

* * *

"Okay, what the hell is up with these clues?" Tsuna exclaimed upon seeing the words that were written on the second envelope. [ _'Go to the dry cleaner's'_ ]. "Not this again; dammit Reborn!"

Yamamoto awkwardly tried to comfort Tsuna when he got a bit gloomy.

"Wait!" Gokudera snapped in realization, making Tsuna look at him with desperate hope and Yamamoto with mild curiosity.

"I think I might have an idea where we should go."

* * *

 

**Mohawk Illusioned Wrenches**

* * *

_Being these guys' teammate was a little unexpected, but it's far better than most of the other teams..._ Spanner thought.

So far, things were looking good. The path they took didn't have a traffic jam in it thankfully. It made their search for that restaurant easier.

"Stop here," Lussuria ordered suddenly, making the car screech a little as Mammon stopped at once.

"I'll take directions from here," the Mohawk hair-styled Varia member explained as he got out of the car.

Spanner wondered how could people who were in a place called  _'We Sell Dead Bodies'_  help them.

"Wha-"

"Please, don't ask," the other Varia member interrupted.

Ten minutes later, Spanner grew pale upon seeing what Lussuria was holding when he got out of the shop.

"Lussuria, what are you doing with  _'that'_?" Mammon asked, already fearing the answer.

"Oh, you must be talking about Percy~!" Lussuria beamed, lifting the lifeless body proudly. "Isn't he cute? I saw him on sale when I was asking about the directions and I couldn't resist!" He then shoved him in all his dead glory in the back seat next to Spanner, much to his horror.  _Oh God, why?_

Taking his seat again, Lussuria instructed, "Take a U-turn first, Mammon, darling."

_What about the fucking dead body you somehow bought?!_

* * *

Everything was quiet in the car; not a single word was spoken.

_Don't look at it, just don't look at it!_  Spanner chanted to himself; the dead body (Percy) was leaning on him, eyes wide open and mouth agape.

Mammon sent him a pitying look over the mirror that read,  _it really sucks to be you..._

And then Percy decided to greet Mammon too – by throwing a dead, rotten, disgusting arm at the car's front... _somehow_. The sudden act was enough to startle Mammon to stop the car and accidentally slam with brutal force against the steering wheel.

Several minutes had passed before Lussuria asked, "Mammon, dear, are you alright?"

There was no answer.

"So," Spanner started, Percy was all over him now. "does that mean that we lost our driver?"

Lussuria was about to answer when he saw a familiar car speeding past them. "Is that...Squ-chan?"

"So we lost a driver and we just got passed."  _There's also a dead body that's currently spooning me._

_I question my life sometimes._

* * *

 

**Whips and Knife Armed Frogs**

* * *

Out of all insane people to team up with, why did have to be them?

"Oi, fail-horse-boss, which way to go now?" Fran asked in his usual monotone.

Before Dino could object on his new given nickname, he was interrupted by Bel. "I'm getting bored. You two, entertain me."

"Why don't you just throw yourself out of the car, Bel-senpai?"

Dino wisely decided not to agree with Fran's suggestion. "I'm not too sure that-" Too late, Fran was already stabbed with five knives.

Oblivious to Dino's horrified expression and Bel's amused one, Fran spoke again, looking totally unaffected, "This knife throwing thing is getting really old; you need to be more creative." That only got him ten more knives on his head (or hat, one never can be really sure about it with him).

"Stop stabbing him!" Dino shrieked; the fact that he had to yell this out loud was absurd.

"Hmm? You want to die, too?" Bel questioned, grinning madly while twirling a sharp knife around his fingers.

"Ignore him, fail-horse-boss, a fallen prince like him is not worthy of any attention.

This time Fran was stabbed by twenty more knives.

"Oh, for the love of God!" the Cavallone boss exclaimed loudly.

* * *

 

**Striking Pineapple Sharks**

* * *

"Voi! Why the hell are you driving like an old geezer – speed up dammit!"

"But the traf-"

"Drive over them, you idiot!"

Levi was envying Mukuro so much at that moment; given the fact the bastard looked annoyingly comfortable sitting in the backseat with an illusioned headphones on his ears.

Shortly after they took off, they stopped and asked for directions. So far, the path they had to take was simple, though the streets were somewhat busy this night. They managed to get to the restaurant after a while, and Levi suspected that his sense of hearing was decreased by half.

They were met by the former Strom Arcobaleno, Fon, who noted upon seeing them, "Congrats, you're the first team to arrive."

Squalo grinned madly as he took the envelop Fon gave him the moment he finished talking. "Nice to hear that this idiot's driving," Levi looked rather offended. "didn't stop us from getting this spot." And with that, he opened it.

"What does it say?" Mukuro asked.  _The headphones were gone_ , Levi noted hatefully.

"[ _'Go to th-'_ ] What the hell is this?" Squalo barked, planning to try and forcibly take the answer from Fon. Keyword being 'try', because – let's face it – the guy could kick some serious butt. Though when he looked around, Fon was nowhere to be seen.

"Motherfu-!"

* * *

 

**Sunny Shocking Tonfas**

* * *

_"You're driving over speed limit."_

_"Stop being so uptight, Hibari!"_

_"Stop being a loud idiot first..."_

_"I heard that!"_

They have been at it for a while, and Lambo was growing sick of it.

_I know where the restaurant is! I go there with I-Pin every Friday!_  That's what he wanted to say ever since he got into the car. But did they hear him? No, they were too busy arguing with each other. Though in their case, it was Ryohei shouting and Hibari making snide remarks.

"Uh, guys-"

"You're so full of yourself! You need to face the wilds!"

"I know where-"

"I'll let those wilds for air heads like you."

"to g-"

"Oh, that's it! Let's fight!"

Oh, come  _on!_

* * *

As Ryohei and Hibari kept destroying the freeway, while Lambo was too busy either face palming or shrieking in horror whenever he was almost killed, the three of them somehow got to the restaurant.

What the hell?!

"See, I told you that we're going to find it," Ryohei said, looking proud of himself.

_How?_  Lambo questioned.

Just,  _how?_

* * *

 

**Angry Misty Glasses**

* * *

Dear God, his stomach was in a world of pain now.

"Here," Fon said, giving him a cup of tea to ease his pains.

"T-Thank you," Shouichi replied, wincing slightly.

_Note to self, never ride a car with Chrome._

You see, the female Mist Guardian of the Vongola drove around like she was in some sort of action movie. He could recall every time they were about to crash into a car or a building, all while the Varia boss sneered at him for being such a pansy.

Chrome didn't even realize that her driving was the reason for his stomach pains as she asked him about what could've caused them, concerned.

It was when Xanxus and Chrome were heading towards the exit that Shouichi realized that he'll have to go through another round of Chrome's driving.

He immediately got Fon in a death grip. "Don't let me go out with them, please!"

After a while of pleading and reasoning, Xanxus had enough and carried him like a sack of potatoes.

"HELP!" Shouichi cried out.

Fon just waved goodbye at him, smiling that irritatingly peaceful smile of his.

* * *

 

**The Master Mind**

* * *

"Fuuta, what's the status?"

Fuuta awoke from his dismayed thoughts and answered Reborn, "Well, Mammon's and Dino's teams are currently out, Squalo's team was the first one to arrive while Xanxus's was the second. Tsuna-nii's was the third, and Lambo's was the fourth."

"Things are looking interesting." Reborn smirked.

_How did I get involved in this?_  Fuuta asked himself for the millionth time this day.


	8. Avoid by Racing: Part Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somethings will make sense in the next part I swear.

**Explosive Baseball Tunas**

* * *

The Mafia are known for their illegal ways, showdowns with the police from all over the world...

And for wearing drool worthy suits.

There was only one place that could handle that in this city.

At least, that's what Gokudera had told them.

Weirdly enough, he was right.

"Nice going, brats! You're not total failures after all," Colonello greeted upon seeing them entering. Lal, who was standing next to him, merely looked at them with a bored expression that told how much she didn't want to do any of this.

_Why are you two here anyway?_  Tsuna asked himself, looking clearly puzzled.

As if reading his mind, Colonello answered with a smug grin, "We own this place. Finest dry cleaner's in the world!"

"You talk as if you set a foot into this place before this day." Lal scoffed. "Your lazy ass couldn't be bothered to do anything beside shooting random targets all day long."

At that, Colonello blushed with embarrassment. "Lal..."

"You two are really working together like a true couple, how cute!" Yamamoto said with a laugh, causing the said couple to stop bickering and blush.

"You shouldn't talk so casually, idiot," Gokudera noted, but then he smirked sharply when he asked, "So, what are you going to name your spawn?" Colonello and Lal looked shocked.

Wanting to save them any further embarrassment, Tsuna spoke, "Do you have the next clue?" And envelop was immediately shoved in front of his face. "Err... thanks." Though after taking the clue and before he walked out of the dry cleaner's, Tsuna noted with a fond smile, "I'm sure that your baby would be very adorable."

* * *

"He's right you know? Our baby would be the most precious one of them all!" Colonello exclaimed when the they left.

"Colonello."

"Yes, dear?"

"Shut up."

* * *

"[Go to the barber's]... we need to talk, Reborn." Either his tutor was too lazy to put some effort in giving out some decent clues, or he just wanted to see him suffer...  _wait, of course he would want me to suffer, why am I asking stupid questions?_

Suddenly, a car went speeding past them, followed by a...

"Did I see things right?"

"You mean seeing the Cavallone and the two Varia brats getting chased by a biker gang?"

"Who were throwing flaming beer bottles at them," Yamamoto added helpfully.

"Yes?"

"Then yes, you did, Tenth."

* * *

**Mohawk Illusioned Wrenches**

* * *

They started moving again after they got Mammon in the backseat. Spanner was the driver for now.

"Shouldn't we go to the hospital?" he asked, taking a quick glance towards the unconscious Mammon. He cringed when he saw the dead body of Percy on top of the Varia member.  _It really, really, really sucks to be you right now..._

"No," Lussuria answered simply, "Mammon will wake up soon enough. Now go right!"

"Didn't we just go there?" Spanner looked doubtfully at the oddly familiar street.

"I don't think so..." Lussuria replied, though he suddenly felt that he wasn't so sure about it anymore.

They kept going on circles before they realized that they, indeed, were lost.

"Ever thought of making out with someone like Percy?" Lussuria asked in an attempt to start a conversation.

"Is this a trick question?" Spanner blurted out, too horrified to even think of an answer.

"I kinda want to do that right now," the other confessed.

"Don't. For the sake of everything good in this world, just don't."

* * *

**Whips and Knife Armed Frogs**

* * *

As Dino and Bel argued whether to spare his life or not, Fran stopped upon seeing a red street light, totally ignoring his team-mates. Though looking around, a guy riding a motorbike next to their car got his attention.

The said guy sneered at him. "What are you looking at, punk?"

"Oh." Fran looked sort of surprised at the fact that he was noticed. "I'm just impressed with your fake beard."

The biker's eyes narrowed. "My beard is real, you little shit!"

Fran looked shocked. "Are you serious?" He then turned around and called out in a really monotone voice, "Fail-horse-boss! Bel-senpai! Look at this guy's beard!"

"Ushishishi~ It looks fake."

"It's not fake dammit!" The biker was red with rage.

Dino curiously looked at him. "What hair products did you use to keep it shiny and silky like that?"

"His beard is definitely fake," Fran and Bel said in one, nodding and looking positively assured with themselves.

They saw the biker whistling as the lights truned green.  _What is he doing?_  Dino asked himself, looking and seeing that he didn't move still his place although everyone was driving away.

_We'll never know, I guess..._  Dino shrugged, deciding to focus on the race.

_It's not like he'll hunt us down along with his biker gang to take revenge or something, right?_

* * *

**Striking Pineapple Sharks**

* * *

"I'm not sure if I like your style or loath it," Squalo admitted, though he had an odd smirk on his face.

"Everything for revenge," Mukuro said, looking utterly pleased with himself. "That team could use some illusion training while dear Mammon is out."

_Why can't I look villainous like him?_  Levi wondered when he heard Mukuro's trademark laugh.  _Squalo isn't yelling at him like he does to me, every single day!_

Levi decided that he didn't like Mukuro, not one bit.

"[Go to the barber's] well that oddly make sense," Mukuro noted with a grin, and pointing at Levi mockingly, he continued, "since some of us  _desperately_  need to shave their mustache."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "At least I don't have a pineapple hair style."

Before he got skinned alive for that comment, a dead body fell on him out of nowhere knocking him unconscious along.

Squalo boredly sighed and signaled for Mukuro to follow him. "I'll drive."

Mukuro smirked evilly.

_That's karma for you, bitch..._

He made sure to step  _really_  hard on Levi's face.

* * *

**Sunny Shocking Tonfas**

* * *

After taking the clue from Fon, the three of them were in car again and Lambo was wondering whether if they were insanely lucky or if life was laughing at him. And much to his utter dismay, his poor excuse of team-mates started fighting again.

_Someone shoot me..._

Ironically, his wish was granted.

* * *

Five year old Lambo Bovino was an easily frightened child, so predictably, finding himself in the passenger seat of a car with an older looking Ryohei and Hibari (who, in his opinion, were rather scary) would freak the hell out of him.

And in that moment, for some unfathomable reason, he found that jumping on Ryohei's head was the best thing to do in this case.

_"Gah! Get off of me Lambo!"_

There was a crash.

Hibari flew out of the car because of it, and was immediately struck by an incoming truck.

Ryohei was halfway across the street himself.

Somehow unharmed, Lambo laughed.

"You guys are fun!"

* * *

"Uh... what happened to you guys?" Colonello asked upon seeing Hibari and Ryohei looking very much like hell.

The said two looked at each other and then back to him. "We don't want to talk about it."

Lal wondered why the ten years younger Bovino brat was tightly tied up to Ryohei's leg.

* * *

When fifteen year old Lambo finally returned, Hibari beat him up.

Ryohei didn't lift a finger to stop him.

_No one is decent in this world..._

* * *

**Angry Misty Glasses**

* * *

"Thank you," Chrome said when she took the clue from Lal, "I hope that you'll have a healthy baby." Shouichi took a moment to wish her good luck himself, while Xanxus was already out of the door.

After they left, Lal turned towards Colonello.

"How did they even know that I was pregnant? I only knew it today for God's sake!"

"You have this beautiful air around you that just tells people that."

"..."

"What?"

"It's your fault, isn't it?"

"W-Wait! I only told Reborn I swear!"

* * *

Shouichi was still in pain as Chrome drove with total disregard of any traffic laws, if she wasn't already in the Mafia, he was sure that many police forces would've been in a chase after her.

And speaking of police...

A police car speedily went past them.

Eyes wide with shock, Shouich tried to ask, "Is that...?"

"Bossu...?"

"The scum?"

* * *

**The Master Mind**

* * *

"This night is excellent," Reborn noted upon seeing everyone getting crashed and burned, sitting comfortably and looking like the evil master mind everyone knew he secretly was.

Fuuta sighed.


	9. Avoid by Racing: Part Three.

"Oh dear God... this is just..." Fuuta gasped when he saw the destruction and explosives scattering all over the finish line's arena from the monitor.

"Wonderful," Reborn completed, looking utterly thrilled.

_They have people like you in hell_ , Fuuta wanted to say.

But all he managed to utter was:

"Oh my God..."

* * *

Rewind.

* * *

**Explosive Baseball Tunas**

* * *

He really should have stopped Gokudera when he suggested that idea.

An idea that consisted on disguising themselves as policemen and stealing a police car; because their car was stolen.

You see, a moment after their shock about seeing Dino's team had faded, they became shocked again when they discovered that their car got stolen. Yamamoto laughed and said that it's history in the making; since he was the only Mafia boss who had his car stolen from him.

Tsuna didn't know whether to laugh along or lower his head in shame.

Meanwhile, Gokudera was unusually quiet, eying the police station that was in front of them with consideration.

And Tsuna knew, just  _knew_ , that this would end badly.

* * *

"Disguising ourselves like them would be perfect, Tenth. No one is going to question us if we went over the speed limit and people would clear the road for us to go, meaning no traffic," Gokudera explained, looking oddly pleased with himself.

_We're Mafia (as much as I hate to admit it)._

_Dressing like the police?_

_It's like we're asking for more criminal chargers!_

But Tsuna kept his thoughts to himself; because even though this was bad, the things some members of the other teams are going to inflict on him upon winning will be far, far, far worse.

So he stood there along with Yamamoto (who thought that the idea seemed fun), as Gokudera sneaked into the station and after ten minutes, returned with three uniforms and car keys in his possession.

Tsuna desperately hoped that no one will notice that there were three uniforms and one car keys missing.

* * *

They noticed that there were three uniforms and one car keys missing.

_"Stop the vehicle, now!"_

"They're really persistent," Yamamoto noted cheerfully as he drove in a tight street with only the side wheels.

_Where did you learn that?_  Tsuna and Gokudera thought, trying to still themselves from falling sideways.

_"Unit45 is currently hostile, call the reinforcements and stop it at all costs!"_

Before they questioned about what did that mean, in front of them they saw roadblocks, armed SUV's, a helicopter and a _\- hey, why does the police own a Ferrari?_

Not to mention gunshots, many, many gunshots.

Yamamoto and Tsuna looked at Gokudera then, and Gokudera averted his eyes mumbling an embarrassed, "Sorry..."

* * *

"Do any of us know where are we supposed to go?" Tsuna asked, avoiding a gunshot that came a bit  _too close_  to him.

"Nope," the other two answered.

* * *

"Why don't we drive the car to a cliff and jump before it falls? The police would think that we've gone crazy and chase the car while we sneak in behind them."

Tsuna wanted to comment at the idea Yamamoto has suggested, avoiding yet another gunshot,  _are they targeting me or something?_  "Yamamoto that's a-"

"Jump!" Yamamoto called out, startling both Gokudera and Tsuna when they saw that they, already, were heading towards a cliff.

"Dammit, baseball freak!"

* * *

"This is bad," Tsuna noted as he ran along with his teammates from the police,  _on foot_ , avoiding a machine gun's aim.  _Whoever is shooting at me, we can talk it out, you don't have to hold that amount of grudge on me, I'm genuinely a nice person!_

They somehow managed to avoid the police's line of sight and got into the nearest building.

"Hi there," Verde greeted them when they entered, raising an eyebrow at their choice of clothes before he shrugged it off and gave them an envelop. "Took you long enough."

_Hey, we can be lucky for once!_  Tsuna rejoiced.

* * *

_[You have been tested_

_In this race, you bested_

_Awards have been listed_

_The finish line is in Frosted_

_Get there, and upon winning, you'll be finally rested]_

_Isn't Frosted that abandoned junk yard next to us?_  Tsuna thought to himself, very doubtful that the very last clue was obvious.

* * *

**Mohawk Illusioned Wrenches**

* * *

"Ugh..."  _My head hurts._

Eyes slowly opening, Mammon stared with shock at the dead eyes of Percy, before letting out a girlish scream.

"Oh, you finally woke up!" Lussuria exclaimed cheerily, momentarily distracted from the odd ( _wrong_ ) conversation he and Spanner were having, much to the latter's utter joy. Mammon only looked at them with total disbelief.

The voice of Spanner confusedly muttering, "I'm positive that we went this way just now," saved Lussuria getting mercilessly killed.

Briefly looking around, Mammon realized what was wrong. "We're trapped in an illusion made by Mukuro."

"And since he and the Varia's Rain are on the same team, I guess we were stuck in this illusion the moment they passed us," Spanner reasoned.

They suddenly heard the backseat's door being opened, and turning around, they saw Mammon throwing Percy out of the car with so much force.

"Percy!" Lussuria cried out.

"Shut up," Mammon hissed, killer intent showing obviously when the former Arcobaleno looked at Spanner and ordered, "Get out of my seat."

Spanner happily complied, he valued his life after all.

"We are going to win this," Mammon said with lethal determination, Lussuria and Spanner nodded, terrified. "And we are going to make every single one of them pay dearly."

"A-And if we didn't win?"

"I'll kill you."

Lussuria and Spanner gulped.

* * *

**Whips and Knife Armed Frogs**

* * *

_Well, that escalated quickly..._  Dino thought grimly about the fact that their car was being targeted by numerous flaming beer bottles.

"The car will explode if this keeps up," Fran noted, looking as unconcerned as ever, proving Dino's theory that if Fran ever found himself in a locked place with a mad killer, he wouldn't give a damn.

When he turned around to check up on the other member of this absurd team, Dino nearly fainted at the sight of Bel catching some of the bottles and throwing them right back at the biker gang, he even saw that one of them had his bike on fire. "What are you doing!?"

"Having fun?" the self pro-claimed prince answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then find something else to do besides arson!"

"It's only fair, fail-horse-boss," Fran reasoned, "If someone tries to set your car on fire, then set him on fire." Bel nodded firmly at the illusionist's logic.

Dino was about to protest when the smell of smoke stopped him from doing that. "Uh, guys, I think that we should get out of the car."

"Why?" Bel asked curiously, still throwing the flaming beer bottles at the revenge seeking biker gang.

"There is smo-" The car's front hood caught fire at that moment.

Hurriedly stopping the car and getting out of it, the three watched as their ride exploded.

"So, does that mean we're out?"

* * *

**Striking Pineapple Sharks**

* * *

Squalo couldn't be more amused than he was right now.

_"Rokudo Mukuro."_

_"Doctor Verde."_

_"You don't call."_

_"I was busy."_

_"I called, you didn't answer."_

_"My phone must've been off."_

Seriously, they both acted like a strict father and a rebellious son reunited after so many years.

It was hilarious.

_"How is the gang?"_

_"They're good."_

_"Chrome calls."_

_"Does she?"_

And now there's a judgmental sneer on Verde's features, _where the hell is the popcorn when you need it?_

_"You're as insufferable as ever I see."_

_"And you're overbearing and arrogant, you never changed."_

_"Careful, boy."_

Oh, the drama.

_"I need the clues."_

_"Of course, I never expected that you would visit me from the goodness of your heart."_

Guilt trip, huh? Nice one, Mukuro looks slightly shaken.

_"Whatever, old man. Get on with it."_

Verde looked at him for a long while before he wordlessly handed Mukuro the envelop.

* * *

"So," Squalo started after they both got out of the place. "Daddy issues?"

He was almost killed, but it was absolutely worth it.

* * *

**Sunny Shocking Tonfas**

* * *

If Lambo thought that dealing with Ryohei and Hibari was difficult.

Dealing with the ten years younger version of them was hell.

"You dared to kidnap me, I'll bite you to death."

"You seem like an Extreme guy for trying to kidnap us, join the boxing club!"

_Hell._

* * *

**Angry Misty Glasses**

* * *

Karma works in mysterious ways, just like if you dug a hole for someone only for you to fall in it.

Or laughing at the person who you held a grudge on for being chased by the police, only for your own car to crash on you, leaving you in a highway and trying to stop a car to drive you to the finish line.

Basically, Xanxus's life.

Shouichi would've laughed if it weren't for the fact that he was stuck with him, fearing the moment he would snap and decide to kill him out of boredom.

Chrome held out a sign that said: _"Drive us to Frosted junk yard, our lives is in danger"_  while looking slightly nervous.

After fifteen minutes of people ignoring them, Xanxus had enough.

Firing a bullet upwards (he would've rather shot someone if it weren't for the rules), he ordered, "Stop your cars, you pieces of trash! You  _will_  drive us there."

Every single car in the highway stopped.

Chrome held out another sign that said: _"Thank you! You saved us!"_  while Shouichi cried of sheer joy.

* * *

**The Arena**

* * *

Somehow, all of the six teams were standing at the middle of the junk yard at the same time.

**Explosive Baseball Tunas'** s clothes got many eyebrows raised.

**Mohawk Illusioned Wrenches** looked terrified save for Mammon, who was looking at everyone with utter hate.

**Whips and Knife Armed Frogs** looked like they got out of a battle field.

**Striking Pineapple Sharks** was missing someone,  _who?_

**Sunny Shocking Tonfas** looked fine save for Lambo, who looked barely alive.

**Angry Misty Glasses** was fine, too. Though Xanxus looked alarmingly pissed.

In the midst of them all stood Skull, who really didn't know why he was here. "Uh, yeah. There's a golden card at the end of this yard, the team of the shooter that gets it and deliver it back to the Vongola mansion is the winner. Uni is waiting for you there."

"Get it in any way you can, I really don't give a shit," he said with a dismissive hand wave, signalling for them to start.

And then, there was war.

* * *

It was the sight that got Fuuta helplessly gaping.

If one insane, suicidal person foolishly decided to look at the junk yard to see what was causing all of these noises, he or she would be graced by seeing bullets of pure flames being shot rapidly, tonfas and knives and box weapons beating up everybody in the area, creepy as hell illusions scaring the shit out people who passed by and Spanner...

Poor, poor Spanner.

"Yeah, I would very much like to forfeit!" He was unlucky really, to be the shooter in the midst of these psychos, and to be the one they were chasing after because he had the card.

"Get the card  _here_ ," Mammon ordered from the sidelines.

_So if I stayed here, I'll die._

_If I got out, I'll die._

_My life sucks._

When he saw that they were getting very close to him, he decided to throw the card to Tsuna; he was more kill worthy than him after all.

* * *

"Yes!" Tsuna exclaimed happily upon catching the card, already tasting the sweet, sweet victory. But before he flew out of this chaos, all of the other shooters jumped on him and tried to take the card from his hands. The five of them became a ball of hands that punched and legs that kicked.

Tsuna was in pain as he slowly crawled towards the mansion. "Guys, how about we walk to the finish line together?"

A knife stabbing his left foot was his answer.

"You know what? I'm done, I didn't want to use this but it looks like I don't have a choice but to.  _Operation X_."

_Wait..._

_An X-Burner from this non-existent distance?_

They'll be doomed.

Wary, they quickly got off of him, and the next thing they knew, he was flying towards the mansion.

These gloves were very convenient, some of them mused angrily.

* * *

"Hello, Uni. Here's the card," Tsuna said before collapsing on the ground, relief washing over all of his worries.

He looked up though, when Uni kept being quiet for too long.

Smiling apologetically, Uni spoke as she knelt down to his level, "Sorry, Tsunayoshi-kun, but uncle Reborn said that the race was over a minute ago. There's a time limit apparently."

"Of course," Tsuna said after being silent for a moment, almost laughing. "Of course."

And then everything went dark.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital room...

_"Well look who decided to wake up, the prince still didn't forgive you for your X-Burner stunt."_

_"Keep your filthy knives away from the Tenth, bastard, before I skin you alive!"_

_"Voi! Shut the fuck up you brats, I'm trying to take a fucking nap here!"_

_"Kufufu... which one you Mafia bastards took my chocolate milkshake?"_

_"I'll murder, not bite, murder you all."_

_"God help us all!"_

Filled with them.

"Of course," Tsuna said, almost crying.

"Of course..."

* * *

**The Master Mind**

* * *

"Are you Satan?" Fuuta asked when Reborn told Uni that the race was over.

Reborn just smirked.

_Wait until you hear about the **'Once-Every-Fifty-Years Vongola Style Cooking Contest'**._

* * *

Levi was still out-cold, the rotten dead body of Percy still on top of him.

Karma was kind of a bitch.


	10. Avoid by Taking Missions.

_When I was nine, my caretaker said this on a quiet afternoon:_

_"Be the Vongola Boss, child. You will be a legend."_

_Seeing that my office is filled with papers from all over - papers that I have to sign - I don't feel so legendary._

**_Vongola Ottavo._ **

* * *

He gave up.

Trying anymore schemes would do him no good; the racing accident was still fresh in his mind after all. He'd do his paperwork without complaining and save himself the agony.

Yeah...that was a total lie because here he was, doing an undercover mission in Rome, hoping that it would be as easy as Reborn told him it would be.

* * *

"So the mission is to disguise myself as a new recruit for a month?" Surprise was clearly written on his face. "That's it?"

Reborn nodded, looking unusually earnest. "It should be an easy job; you're not that easy to suspect. And besides, you wanted a break from your office work, right?"

Even though he wasn't feeling comfortable going along Reborn and Colonnello's wagers, one look at the irritating stacks of paperwork he had to do was enough for him to decide.

"When and where?"

* * *

"Hey, mousy! Quit daydreaming and listen!" Luca, the one in charge of the new recruits, called out for him, waking him up from his musings.

With a simple disguise that consisted of wearing glasses and a hat that covered all of his hair, in addition to fake tattoos (because everyone knew that Vongola Decimo didn't have tattoos, that was Dino's specialty), he was barely recognizable. It was a good thing really, or else his small quest would've long since ended.

"I have a different training program for you. You assholes should feel very lucky."

Glaring at the whimpering recruits, Luca continued, "I'm going to choose one of you to get into the main police department in Rome. It is currently holding some big-shot named Reaper in custody until his trial. Reaper has some information the Vongola needs and your mission is to obtain them."

_Isn't this a bit too difficult for just new recruits?_

Apparently, Luca can read minds; because he looked at him angrily and dragged him along. "How about you, smartass? I think you'll like being in Rome."

Tsuna's eyes widened in dismay.  _Wait, doing Reborn's task will be difficult if this happens!_

Luca ignored his silent pleas and shoved him into a van, throwing a small bag at him before he closed its doors.

"Fail and I'll personally kill you."

* * *

So he found himself in the police department, disguised as a new recruit and waiting for the briefings (or so they said). Luckily, no one figured him out. The Vongola can make pretty solid profiles, he discovered. The department quickly took him in, unsuspecting and without a doubt.

The department's main doors opened and an older looking man entered. Given his attire, Tsuna concluded that this was the awaited chief.

The chief looked at the recruits' line-up blankly until his eyes caught sight of him, and then he hummed thoughtfully in response.

"You there, come with me."

_What? Did he figure me out?_ Tsuna thought, getting out of the line-up and following him.

The chief didn't ease his concerns and only settled for small talk until they reached his office. He told him that this was the first time he met a Japanese recruit and so he was curious, commenting on how well his Italian was. Tsuna sheepishly answered his polite questions, trying his hardest not to sound too odd.

Finally, he told him about his purpose for calling him out.

"I want you to disguise yourself as a new cook for the Caramaio Family. We suspect that Reaper is one of their high members so we need evidence to solidly incriminate him. Unfortunately, the Caramaio is a well-informed Family, they know about everyone here. Though they don't know about you; you only joined now and so we'll take advantage of this."

The chief - Carlo, as he told him - regarded him seriously then. "I know that this is too much for your first day, son, but we have no other choice. We'll help you in any way we can so don't worry about it."

* * *

Of course, things took turn for the worse.

It wasn't enough that he was a double (or triple?) agent now, Carlo, much to his dismay, ordered one of his best officers to supervise his mission: Selena Monte, as her badge indicated.

Selena, to say the least, wasn't too fond of him.

"I don't know what that old man was thinking by tasking you, this mission was supposed to be my big break and you took it. But I'll be damned if I let you ruin it so just to be clear, I _will_  watch every single move you make."

It also wasn't enough that Selena was watching him like a hawk from the apartment she rented near the Caramaio manor, Luca was constantly calling for him, asking whether he obtained the info or not.

It was really hard to cook risotto with that, and he knew absolutely nothing about cooking risotto as it was.

"Did you just add hot sauce into the risotto?"

Oh, and did he forget to mention about Henry?

Henry, a chef from England (why a famed chef was working for a Mafia family was beyond him), wasn't fond of him either. Tsuna guessed it was because he first saw him adding tuna into a pasta sauce.

So, supervising him, Henry stood there and watched him cook, shouting at him whenever he added something wrong.

"Yes?"

"You are new at this, aren't you?"

Tsuna was about to reply when his cell-phone (the one that was given to him by the Vongola) rang, and picking it up, he was welcomed with the shouting of Luca.

_"DID YOU OBTAIN THE INFO, MOUSY?!"_

_Why is he shouting?_  "You asked me this five minutes ago." Oh shit, Henry was seething at him.

"Drop the fucking phone and cook!"

_"Who's that?"_  Luca asked, his voice dropping in curiosity.

Tsuna took one look at Henry before he answered, "Uh... no one important."

"Did you just call me a nobody?!" Henry really looked like he didn't appreciate the notion.

_"What the hell is his problem?"_  Luca asked again, his curiosity only rising.

"He's stressed," Tsuna replied truthfully, _stressed because of me._

"I have you know that I'm one of the best chefs in the world! I got involved in some shady business is all!" Apparently, Henry was still offended.

To make the matters more messy than they already were, his other cell-phone rang and Selena immediately asked,  _"How are you progressing?"_

"Are you a fucking phone-operator now?!"

_"Who's that?"_  Selena asked, only for her it was with annoyance.

"A friend." And then his  _own_  cellphone rang.

"I'M NOT YOUR FRI- DID YOU JUST BRING OUT  _ANOTHER_  CELLPHONE?!"

_"So, Dame-Tsuna, how things are holding out for you?"_  Reborn asked.

Tsuna openly hissed. "You weren't supposed to call until this is over."

_"Oi, Mousy, why are you ignoring me?"_

_"What is taking you so long to answer?"_

_"Colonnello wanted to check up on your progress."_

Before Tsuna scrambled for answers, Henry just took all of his cellphones and threw them out of the window. And with a chilling glare, he warned, "If I ever see you near a communication device,  _any_  communication device, you'll regret ever entering my kitchen. Is that clear?"

With a sigh, Tsuna nodded.

He was in for some scolding from Selena and Luca (Reborn just called to make things difficult, he was sure of it) later...

He groaned in dismay when he turned around and saw that he burned the risotto.

"THE RISOTTO IS ON FIRE!"

... And Henry. Definitely.

* * *

Somehow, someway, things started looking up. He found his cellphones (and thankfully, they weren't broken), he was doing alright in all of his assigned tasks, and the three (Luca, Selena and Henry) started to lighten up around him.

But as expected, things didn't stay that way for long.

Tsuna was peacefully relaxing in one of the Caramaio mansion's many gardens when he heard the click of a gun behind him. "Keep your mouth shut before I blow a hole through your head."

Sighing irritably because his short relaxation time was apparently over, Tsuna did as he was told, curious about what the kidnapper's next course of action would be. It wasn't like he was afraid or that he couldn't defend himself or anything, but he was being watched at all times, revealing his powers would threaten this mission and he didn't reach this far to fail at the end.

"Never thought that kidnapping Marco Caramaio would be this easy." The kidnapper snickered, searching his pockets for anything that could alarm others to what was happening.

Meanwhile, Tsuna only frowned in response.  _Isn't Marco Caramaio the boss's son?_ "I'm not-"

"Hey, what's with the cellphones? I know that you're a rich guy but three cellphones is bit too much, don't you think?" The kidnapper asked, sounding genuinely confused. "Anyways, let's get out of here before someone comes."

"Sounds reasonable enough," Tsuna noted dully, letting the kidnapper lead the way.

* * *

And that's how he found himself in an abandoned warehouse, hands cuffed and mouth gagged, his kidnapper answering his phones for him. Which, now that he thought about it, was only going to cause a disaster.

"I didn't kidnap your sous-chef, you imbecile!" the kidnapper snapped at Henry.

"He's the Caramaio boss's son! Of course he's not an undercover police officer! YES, I'M SURE!" the kidnapper snapped again at Selena.

"What? No! He's not a Vongola recruit!" this time, Tsuna guessed it was Luca.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Reborn, probably.

The kidnapper, red-faced from anger, glared at him. "Who the hell are you?! You sure as hell aren't the Caramaio boss's son now that I checked."

Before Tsuna could try to answer, he saw someone sneaking in behind the kidnapper and...  _is that Henry?_

"If there's anyone who will beat this guy up, it should be me!" It was indeed Henry, and he looked rather enraged as he swang a frying pan, trying his hardest to hit the kidnapper but to no avail.

The kidnapper, understandably, looked surprised as he dodged Henry's strikes effortlessly. "What in blazes is going on in here?!"

As if on cue, one of the warehouse's gates slammed open, revealing what could be the entire Italian police-force. "Officer, are you alright?" Selena asked, voice laced with concern.

Tsuna mentally prepared himself for shit to hit the fan.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" His kidnapper looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel.

And then another gate exploded, revealing many of the Vongola troupes, with Luca in the front lines. "You okay there, Mousy?!"

"Oh for the love of God!"

Guns and rifles and frying pans were raised against each other, every side sending chilling glares to the other in warning not to make a wrong move.

Tsuna decided to give up at that moment; winning a bet for Reborn wasn't worth going through all this mess. He was about to break his cuffs when his kidnapper shot a bullet at the ceiling, gaining the attention of the Vongola troupes, the police, himself and Henry as a result.

"I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS SHIT!" Freeing Tsuna from the cuffs and gag, he continued as he tried to escape, "TAKE HIM! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

* * *

"Now that this matter has been taken care of," Selena started, dragging him away from the kidnapper after ordering an officer to arrest him, "let's get you out of here."

"Hate to tell you this, darling, but he's with us," Luca chimed in, dragging him away from Selena.

"You're all wrong, he's with me!" Henry exclaimed, dragging him away from Luca.

"He was with me from the very beginning!"

"My chief sent him on an undercover mission here!"

"I put up with him almost burning my kitchen so of course he's with me!"

"Which side are you on?!" They asked in one.

Tsuna sweated nervously and looked between the three of them before he decided to run the hell away.

* * *

"It's a shame that you couldn't hold on for two more days," Reborn casually said upon seeing him home.

Nursing the injuries he got when he ran away from the trio he was working with for the last four weeks, Tsuna hissed irritably, not having the will to tolerate Reborn's amusement. "Shut up."

Never again would he do another undercover mission, even if it was to escape doing his paperwork.

_Never again,_  Tsuna vowed earnestly.

****


End file.
